Tag Archive | Transsexual

Being an Aspie

As I mentioned before, I am “naturally weird”. At least that’s what it looks like to NT’s (Neuro-Typicals) or “normal” people. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, so I am an Aspie (and very proud of it!).

For those who don’t know, Asperger’s Syndrome basically means our brain is wired in a different way, and we don’t have the Sociability Software in our brains. It also mean we tend to have a “spot light” type of mind, contrary to the more “flood light” type of mind in “normal” people. Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome is considered a “High Functioning” kind of Autistic person.

By having our brain wired in a different way we perceive the surroundings in a different way. We see things people cannot see and we don’t see what the majority can. That’s why we are commonly accused of not having empathy. That is not true. We do care about others, we just don’t do the typical things they do to show that. As an example: Long time ago, when I had a regular job, I never said “Hi” in the morning and never said “bye” at night. People thought I didn’t care. For them it is a common courtesy rule of interaction. For me it is an invasion of privacy! If someone wants to share how he/she is doing he/she will speak and I will listen and comment, but I will not push them to tell with my questions.

One day a coworker stopped going to work for several days. Nobody knew what happen to her and nobody investigated if she was fine or hurt in an accident or something, even though they always talked with her and showed being friends. After asking coworkers about her and not finding anyone who knew, I went to Human Resources and asked. They refused to give me her phone number (privacy policy) but promised to investigate and let me know. A couple of days later the lady from human resources told me the missing coworker just decided to move to another job, but she was fine. I told the rest of the team and they said “oh, that’s good to know” and went back to their activities. Empathy?

So we Aspies see and perceive people and situation in a different way. Even our body language is different (which is bad for job interviews since the interviewer usually read us wrong), but these differences are not better or worst, good or bad…just different. Aspies and “normals” are different but none is better than the other, although not knowing the differences many times creates conflicts between the two.

Another difference is that we don’t have the Sociability Software and we have a “spot light” type of mind, rather than a “flood light” type of mind as it is common in “normals”

By not having the Sociability Software we are not bound by an instinctive force to socialize. We can be fine alone. As an example: It that same job I mentioned before there was another Aspie. A man in his 50 who never talked to anyone, but was very kind if anyone started a conversation with him. At some point the company needed two people to spend the whole shift alone in a huge warehouse checking some merchandise. Everybody complained because for them it was too boring to spend the whole day practically alone and not having the chance to chat all day. This other Aspie and me spend several weeks doing that, and we were very happy! If we traded 2 words in the whole shift it was too much, but that was fine, we were Aspies. We considered we were there to do a job and not being paid to talk, so we just concentrated in working. Not only we could spend a 12 hours shift without talking, but we actually enjoyed that!

You see, the Socialization Software means you cannot put two strangers closer than 5 feet without them feeling the urge to say something. Just think of people at the cashier in a grocery store or waiting for the bus. They have to say something or they will feel uncomfortable. We Aspies can spend the whole day side by side, even with a close friend, and not need to say a single word; but we can still perceive the company and enjoy it.

The Socialization Software is an instinct that has worked in bringing the first people together, thus allowing the creation of a society and a civilization, so it is a good thing. We Aspies just don’t have it, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have empathy or care for others.

The Socialization Software is what pushes you to “start” a connection, but it is your mind and heart what can continue that. If you don’t have your mind and heart in continue to grow the just made connection into a relationship then everything dissolves, like your chat at the bus stop or with the cashier at the grocery store. Unless of course the cashier is a cute girl, in which case you will try to get her phone number, but if the cashier is an old and ugly lady…LOL

Now, “normal” people have a “flood light” type of mind. This means they have many things in mind and can interact with many things and people at once, like in a party (or a job), but they don’t go very deep in each interaction (like the example of the missing coworker in the previous post). How many people have you befriended in social sites, to overtime things simply dissolve completely? You have been busy with other things. You see? Many things, nothing too deep. Nothing wrong with that. It’s just the way things are for most people…the “normal” ones.

We Aspies at the other hand have a “spot light” type of mind, meaning we don’t interact with many things and people at the same time (that’s why we are so bad at parties) but we can concentrate and go deeper in an activity or subject. We Aspies have been known to bore to death others with a specific subject in a conversation, LOL

But also we take each activity and/or person more in dept. That’s why just feeling a woman inside wasn’t enough for me; I had to restart this site and explore more in dept the feelings, the minds, and everything related to being a transgender. And also that’s why, even though my marriage has gone awry, I can’t just walk away, but I’ll explain you more in detail about my marriage in another post.

So you see the differences between Aspies and “normals”. Nothing special; nothing better or worst, just different. And so now you can see why sometimes my writing might seem weird, LOL

Hugs

Angel

The Man Within

Just for fun!

I live as a man but I am a woman within. Or at least that’s how we Transsexual Women consider ourselves and by those with a more open mind.

Our genitals would be what…about 5 percent of the whole body? Yet we are classified by laws and general society mentality by our genitals and not by our inner feelings and thoughts, which is our personality…who we are.

From that point of view, and since society classify us by our genitals, shouldn’t I be more like a woman carrying a man within? 95 percent of the surface body is a woman and only 5 percent is a man.

So I decided to make some fun out of the problem and took this picture to try to reflect I am a woman carrying a man within and not the other way around, as society points out.

I must clarify; I am a woman, and the man I carry…he is just a dick! LOL (He doesn’t even get hard!)

I know, there is a lot that could be debated here, but as I said, this post and picture are just for fun!

Hey! We all need to laugh at our problems from time to time, don’t we?

Hugs

Angela

Rough Ride

The past 12 years have been such a crazy life!

When I was 45 I started exploring these hidden inner desires. Throughout those years I discovered Nudism and fell in love with it! I dated several men as a possible Bi man, Gay man, and finally as a Transsexual Woman. I had from one night stand dates, to a one relationship with love involved that lasted two years. I experimented with female clothes, make up and worked up my voice to a more feminine one. Had so many scare and funny moments. There were times when I was so hopeful about the future, to other times when I was seriously considering suicide. No escape from reality!

In those 12 years I also started a change in my body from a hairy man to a smooth woman, as you can see in the pictures below. The left side is from November 2005 and the right side is from February 2014 (8 years, 3 months). You can see how my breasts grew and my penis shrunk.

It’s been such a rough ride! Mostly because it all has been in secret! You see, I am a married and family man for the society part, and in complete secret I’ve collected female clothes, some basic jewelry, make up, and even sex toys! I’ve taken more than 100GB of videos and pictures. Had profiles in dating sites (I think a total of around 12!) and had my own Transsexual website for 4 years.

I even had a big scare when, after a couple of sex encounters, my body started to show strange signs that made me think I had acquired an STD from one of those unknown men I met for sex. Fortunately a series of tests showed negative in all of them, so I could breathe easier, but it was a couple of months of added stress for all the problems that could have been if I was positive! And in all that period I had to go through in silence…all in complete secrecy! Hiding everything in plain view, as it is by publishing on the internet!

No wonder why I acquired Fibromyalgia Syndrome!

Now, in the exterior and family life I am a 57 years old man trying to recover from the syndrome and get back on my feet again physically and financially, while in my secret life I am a 57 years old Trans Woman who sees her dreams of becoming a real woman slip away due to age and obligations acquired more than 30 years ago.

But throughout the years I’ve learned that one should never give up. I keep fighting Fibromyalgia…and slowly but definitely I’m winning! And even though I might never have the opportunity of Sex Change Surgery, I believe I can still be an old but with a fairly decent look Transsexual Woman Pre-Op. And definitely there will be a time when I’ll be able to enjoy Nudism pretty often!

Life can be very rough sometimes, but definitely it is worth living it all the way, don’t you think?

Hugs

Angela

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Fibromyalgia Syndrome

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In the post “Breasts Growth” I mentioned I acquired a syndrome of which the medicines might have something to do with my breasts growing as a side effect.

The syndrome is called Fibromyalgia Syndrome and the medicine I was taking is called Lyrica. I said I was taking it because I stopped about 5 months ago.

You see, Fibromyalgia Syndrome is a sort of miss-connection between the nervous system and the brain. It usually happens because of excessive stress, so basically the connection snaps as a way to protect the brain from reality, only, it makes things worst! As you know, the nervous system allows you to perceive the environment in a physical way.

What happens with the syndrome is that either the nervous system starts to send the wrong signals to the brain, or the brain perceives in the wrong way the signals from the nervous system. Either way you feel lots of pain all the time and for no reason, together with a complete lack of energy, dizziness and foggy mind. Physically you are fine, according to the available tests, but you live in extreme pain, no energy and unable to concentrate, and the only way doctors can diagnose the syndrome is by discarding any other possibility, which takes a long time and tests of all kind, while nobody around (including doctors) believe that you are in pain.

What the medicine does is basically change the brain patterns (the way electrical pulses move around inside your brain) to reduce the perception of pain. The down side is you live dizzy and your brain doesn’t work correctly when it comes to thinking. You live like in a continuous dream-like state, dizzy and confused.

Now, according to statistics about 50 percent of people who acquire the syndrome end up in complete disability within 5 years, and only about 1 percent recover. When the doctor gave me the diagnosis he said in 5 years I would be in a wheel chair. That was in March 2014. Needless to say the news were devastating for me at that moment!

But I didn’t want to accept that, so I fought it, and in March 2019, after reducing the dose a little every month, I stopped taking the medicine. I am not recovered; I am still functioning at about 50 percent of what I used to be, but at least I am no longer in that medicine, and I know I will recover, if not completely, at least enough to do a normal life again.

Now, it seems the medicine helped my breasts grow as a side effect. I just hope now that I’ve stopped taking the medicine my breasts will remain!

In the funny side, The recommended maximum daily dose of that medicine is 300 mg. I was taking 600 mg, and some days, because of the pain, I took around 1,200 mg plus very strong pain killers. That helped me to reduce the pain and function to around 30 percent, and I had the best “trips” of my life!! LOL (I miss those trips, LOL)

So you see, I am a very complete woman. I have Fibromyalgia Syndrome, Asperger Syndrome, and I am a Transsexual Woman; what else could anybody ask for? LOL

Hugs

Angela