A couple of years ago with my ex boyfriend we did go out a couple of times for some drinks in a Friday night, but since I wasn’t “passable” I insisted in trying those bars that accept transgender and gay people, so we did visit a couple of those bars in Denver. It was fun, although almost every time we went out I did receive some sort of reminder I wasn’t a woman as I feel, and wasn’t even passable to the eyes of people around.
One of those times was when we went to a place that supposed to be for all transgenders, but mostly dedicated to the gay community. They even had a couple of areas with those small stages with a pole for guys to strip and dance for the male customers.
My ex and I went straight to the patio at the back since it was the only place were smoking was allowed (yes, I smoke cigarettes) and seated in one of the small tables around the small stage with the pole. It seems life starts after midnight in those places since when we arrived there at around 9 pm nobody was to be seen in the patio, and only about 4 or 5 customers were seating alone, making love to their drinks in the main area. The whole place seemed like standing by for the night to get started later on.
The patio at that place is enclosed with wooden panels and covered at the top and sides with a thick fabric so to stand wind and rain; it was impossible to see the outside, and nobody from the parking lot could see what was happening inside. Very private!
My ex ordered a couple of beers and we were chatting for a moment. Then, and seeing that nobody was there and nobody seemed to be coming to the patio, I stood up and walked to the small stage to do a “pretension of a dance” to my “only customer”…my ex seating there.
The music was loud and the lights were dim. I just slowly moved my body, challenging the high beat of the music in what could have seemed a rebellious girl dancer, but in reality was a pretension of a woman who didn’t even know how to dance, LOL
I spent about five minutes there trying different poses around the pole while watching the door that gives access to the patio, just in case! I didn’t strip as I wanted, but I did open my jacket for my ex to see my breasts and take a couple of pictures. It was fun! But I must admit I was very nervous the whole time since we didn’t know if somebody would be coming to the patio.
Probably it wasn’t more than five minutes before the door opened and one of the waiters came in to pick up something from one of the corners of the patio. He didn’t pay any attention to what I was doing, but still, I quickly went off the small stage and walked to the table where my ex was waiting for me, laughing at the “incident”, LOL.
At around 11 pm the customers started to come in, and soon we had around 12 people in the patio scattered in small groups of 4 or 5. They were happily chatting, drinking and smoking. I could see they were mostly men and just one woman. The place started to come alive.
At some point I decided to pay a visit to the restrooms, which were in the main area. I went there and, faced with the decision of using the men or women restroom, after a quick look around, I simply went into the lady’s restroom. Nobody was there, so fortunately there were no problems. I say no problems because later on I could confirm my doubts about my own “non-passable” condition as a woman.
After using the restrooms I spent some time watching the crowd now gathered in the main area. The place was full and there was a young, athletic man doing a fast dance at the pole while wearing only a very small string to cover his genitals. Many men were watching with eyes of sexual desire, probably imagining what they would be doing with that dancer if they were alone with him in bed. I too watched intently the dancer, but not with sexual desire, but rather -I must admit- with a sort of envy on how he could dance so sexy, while I could only lean on the pole, LOL.
After a moment I realized a man, probably in his 50’s, and who was seating at the bar, was intently looking at me. He seemed to be in his fourth drink, judging by his eyes trying to focus his vision on me, while helping to hold himself to the bar with one hand, and safely keeping his drink with the other. I looked the other way, but my own curiosity made me look again, only to find him still looking at me up and down. I don’t know if the alcohol did its job and he was looking at a desirable woman, but his facial expression told me he wasn’t happy with what he was seeing. So I just gave him my best and sweetest smile and went back to the patio.
While seating at our table with my ex, one of the employees of the bar came in to quickly sweep the floor and empty the ashtrays, so to keep the place nice for the customers. When going to our table he came from my side and with a courteous “excuse me sir” he proceeded to empty our ashtray. I must admit I was frozen. I knew he was talking to me when coming to our table. Even though I knew I wasn’t passable, I must admit for a moment my world came down in a flash. I thought in a place that cater to trans people they would have their employees trained in telling “lies” in situations like that, so to make customers feel happy and accepted. I guess I was wrong. In any case, the good thing is that I did know I wasn’t passable, and even though a lie would have been nice to keep my little bubble, the truth was already known by me.
At around 11:30 pm we had to leave as we both had to get up early the next day. We walked past the main area in direction to the exit and I could see several men looking at me while we walked among the tables. Good thing those bars usually use a very dim light! LOL
Once at the parking lot and before getting inside the car I just turned to my ex and hugged him while sweetly kissing him. He held me from my waist and we kissed for several minutes, while other cars were coming and going around us. My revenge? LOL
But besides of the problem of being seen as a man in women clothes by customers and employees, and their non-approving eyes, especially considering it was a place for trans people, the general balance was great and I must admit I had a great time there. Like a fairy tale, living for a moment my dream of being a woman in the outside while going out to be among other people. I can say I have good memories of those times!