Archive | September 2019

Trans Woman and Shemale

In the previous post I described to you my “Dream Sex Date”. As you could see, even though I have male genitals my feelings are of a woman. That’s because I am a Transsexual Woman and not a Shemale porn actress. So let me explain the differences between the two.

It seems many guys who live as straight men like to watch porn they classify as Transsexual Porn, but in reality what they are watching is Shemale Porn. That’s fine and it can be very entertaining. The problem is when they forget to visualize that there is a difference between a Transsexual Woman and a Shemale.

A Transsexual Woman is someone born with a male body and has to live as a man, but feels as a woman.

They live as a man for a while, until they decide to change their body to reflect the woman they are. By having a male body they have a penis but no breasts, and they wants to eliminate that penis and get some breasts together with a general female look, so they could be seen as a woman rather than a man.

A Shemale is someone born with a female body but with male genitals, and lives and feels as a woman.

She has the general look of a woman, she is seen and accepted as a woman and lives as a woman, but under her clothes there are hidden male genitals. For what I understand, the big majority of Shemales feel as a woman and have trouble trying to find a straight man to accept them as complete females since they have a penis! But there are some who are beautiful women with a big penis, so some of them decide to go into the porn industry for money, and play female to female movies where there is the twist of them having and playing with their male parts; and there are some movies where a Shemale plays with a man, where the man sucks her penis and get penetrated by her.

For what I can see, some of those men who watch these movies have the fantasy of being with a Shemale, suck her penis and get penetrated by her, which is fine. The problem is that they forget the difference between a Shemale and a Transsexual Woman, and when they find the last, they want to play their fantasies thinking they are with a Shemale porn actress!

That’s why I used to send so many letters before meeting, and expected receiving letters telling me what they offered and wanted to receive; that way there would be no misunderstandings of who we were and what we wanted. But it seems they didn’t see who I really am and wanted to see a Shemale instead, creating problems later in bed.

To better clarify:

-Transsexual Woman: Born in a Male body with male genitals, but feels as a woman

Shemale: Born in a Female body with male genitals, and feels as a woman

-CIS Woman: Born in a Female body with female genitals, and feels as a woman

CIS Women are the “normal” women.

I am a Transsexual Woman.

You can see in the first picture two Shemales that are in the porn movie industry. They are beautiful girls with big penises. The second picture is a Shemale who lives as a normal woman and wants to find love with a man (I found that picture in a dating site). You can see she is a woman because she has breasts with female nipples. The third picture is me as a Transsexual Woman, meaning someone born as a man who has the feeling of a woman, and have adapted her body to a slightly more female look but still with a penis, and the breasts have no female nipples, so it is a male body.

With a little make up in the nipples I can make my breasts look more female, as you can see in the fourth picture; that can make me look slightly like a Shemale, but I am still a Transsexual Woman (a woman in a male body), not a Shemale (a woman in a female body but with a penis), and definitely I’m not in the porn industry!

So I don’t want a man to suck my penis and give me his anus for me to penetrate him! As a Transsexual Woman I want a man to see me as a woman and treat me as a woman, meaning by that, I suck his penis and he penetrates me! I am in the situation of the lady in the second picture.

So you can see why I did bug so much with lots of letters first before meeting someone. But that is something from the past. I simply lost hope to be seen for who I am in my inner feelings.

From sometime now I simply stopped dating since no matter how many letters, at the end all the men I met were in search for a penis to suck and to be penetrated, completely disregarding who I am, how I feel, and what I was searching for. Either they didn’t understood or simply didn’t want to see the difference between a Transsexual Woman and a Shemale in the porn industry. Yes, I have a penis, but it is not my fault or my choice! And having it doesn’t mean I have to or want to use it, right?




Dream Sex Date

What is it that such simple actions create so many reactions in the body and the mind? A hand softly running over naked skin; lips barely touching while softly kissing a sex partner; enjoying the body, to then little by little reach those hidden places that cannot be seen in public, but only in the privacy of a bedroom. Surrounded by a very sensual music and dim lights that allows to see only silhouettes that become the treasures to find and enjoy.

The surrender actions of my willing mind in search of physical pleasures to experience throughout my body and skin, giving and receiving the sweet caressing so long desired, but not too often experienced.

For a moment enjoying a man’s nude body, who willingly surrender to my unquenchable thirst of sweetly kissing, touching and tasting him with desire and desperation. Controlling my instincts to trade the roughness of desire by the sweetness of unconditional love, to show I do care, at the same time that I enjoy in a selfish way the pleasures of using and owning that willing body, running my hands and lips all over him, tasting his lips and his male parts while in pursue of ecstasy and satisfaction. Making love to his manhood with my lips, tongue and mouth, to then experience the pleasure of sweetly sliding it all over my face. Joy!

Then, for another moment becoming the quiet one, the willing one that give up myself to that man, ready to be used by him in his own search for the pleasures of using and owning my body. Experiencing the pleasures of being sweetly touched all over while I can moan in pleasure, to then being taken and used with the strength of the owner, who becomes selfish in his personal quest for his own pleasures, yet it is also pleasant for me, the taken, the one being used. Such feelings of having a man inside!

Sweet kisses and touches that make the skin tingle with desire for more, as a prelude for a smooth strength in the interactions, to lead invariably to the pleasant roughness of unleashed desires from the body and the mind. To then experience the shaking and relief of the body, like I guess must feel in some cases the moment of death, when passing to a calmed and relaxed place, where the body no longer have needs since it doesn’t exist anymore.

Then tired; exhausted by the sudden burst of muscular use throughout the body, relax for a moment to cuddle both naked bodies together, and to go back to the sweet touches and kisses, feeling the closeness of another human being.

Maybe it can be without love; maybe it is just a “no strings” situation, or maybe it is just a “one night stand”, but for that brief moment together, two willing creatures can find the pleasant relief of sex, and at the same time experience the communion of two minds that provide company to each other.

I’m sorry but I can’t understand when some people say: “I just want a good fuck” LOL


Best of Both Worlds?


I guess a clarification is in order, even though I know this will cost me people going away from me. It has happened in the past and I’m sure it will happen again.

The thing is, my penis doesn’t work anymore. For the past 5 years it doesn’t get hard and it hurts when handled. And it is the same with my testicles, they hurt when handled. Which means, I cannot function as a “man”. If I go to bed with a man (or even a woman) my genitals are out of the game.

Now, besides that I don’t have a vagina (which is something I wish I had), it is fine with me that my penis doesn’t work (since it is something I wish I didn’t have). I am not interested in penetrating a man, and also not interested in a man “sucking” my penis.

For the same reason, if my male parts don’t work, it is not about using a strap-on or a dildo since I am not a “sexually handicapped man”…I am a woman!

I am a woman with the wrong genitals, which makes me a Transsexual Woman, not a Shemale, but I’ll leave the explanation of the difference between a Transsexual Woman and a Shemale for another post.

This means any man who consider me for sex have to accept I am NOT “the best of both worlds”. In fact, I am more like “half of one world” at the most. By not having a vagina and having non-working male genitals it is like if I didn’t have genitals at all!

So being with me in bed is more like being with a woman who doesn’t have a vagina. The only way a man can penetrate me is through my anus and my mouth, beside of course playing with my breasts and touching my whole body.

That’s why I love to massage a man’s entire body with my hands and my lips, giving him sweet kisses all over. And when using my mouth I pay special attention in “making love” to a man’s penis rather than just “sucking”, so to somehow compensate for what I don’t have to give.



In the past, and after having sex encounters that went bad because of my non-working genitals and my no desires of using them anyway, I decided to clarify this situation in my dating profiles. Needles to say about 95 percent of the men writing me letters and wanting to meet simply dissolved in thin air! From receiving about 20 letters a day it went to about 2 a week!

But that’s fine. I’m glad I did clarify the situation then, and that’s why I am doing it again now. I prefer to be honest and loose people’s interest than miss-guide them into thinking I can be like a Shemale they may have seen in some porn movies.

The important thing here is that I wanted to clarify this situation since in the few days this site has been up I’ve already received many invitations for sex where the man wants me to be a man for him, completely disregarding that I am a woman, just with the wrong genitals.

As I said above, I know this will cost me people going away from me, but at least I have the peace of mind I was honest with them, and tried to clarify who I really am, don’t you think?






Between the car I’m restoring (of which I am really behind schedule) and the craziness that gave me to restart my own site (not knowing a thing about computers and site set up) time has become really scarce. Not much possibilities to go back to the mountains to enjoy a nudist hike before summer ends. Not even time to meet a man in my own place for some friendly chat (hot sex!) LOL.

But that’s OK. I must admit I’ve been very happy lately. Restarting this site is more than just telling who I am inside, but it is an opportunity to give gas again to the female flame burning inside me, and that I tried to extinguish some time ago. No chance to forget being a woman inside. I am what I am and even though I’ve tried many times to comply with society and be what my genitals dictate (according to society), I just simply cannot erase who I am inside (Transsexual Women…does it ring a bell?).

So I’ve been very busy with cars, computers, writing posts, emails with friends, and even trying to salvage some time to continue writing books, all while living a pretense life as a married, family man. Sometimes it feels like I’m screwed (but not the way I like to be screwed! LOL).

In any case, sometimes what we really need is not free time but an opportunity to live our real life, even if it is “Part Time” and in hiding. Maybe I don’t have much time to sleep lately, but every time I go to bed I can go with a smile!



Waiting in a Motel Room


Waiting in a motel room; expecting soft knocks on the door at any time; the anticipation and nervousness that create an exhilarating feeling all within the body.

So many letters to get to know each other little by little, to see if the other is the right one, even if it’s only for just a couple of encounters, before small details start to show up and point us both in different directions, while retaining the memories for long in our separate ways.

How is he? Do I remember at this point? Does it matter anymore? The date is settled and here I am, in a motel room, waiting for him to meet him in person for the first time. The last note said: “We can talk, and take it from there, to wherever it goes”. But I know he’s expecting more than just talk, and so do I.

I decided to get naked and walk around in the room, waiting. I want to greet him like this, to show him that I am interested in more than just talk. And the thrill of opening the door to a stranger while being completely naked is too intense to just let it by.

In the meantime I need something to do. Time is going by too slow for my comfort, and butterflies keep dancing in my stomach. So I grab the camera and try to entertain myself taking some pictures of me standing in front of the mirror. The lighting is dim in this room so can’t get a decent shot, but I keep trying as the only thing to do to kill some of the waiting time. But time still goes by and the expected knocks on the door refuse to present themselves. Instead the clock keeps its immutable march, laughing at my intentions and desires.

One hour after the agreed time I must admit he’s not coming. Maybe he encountered a problem; maybe he decided not to show up; maybe he forgot, or maybe he’s somewhere else laughing at the whole situation and never really intended to meet, who knows.

So slowly I put my clothes on, collect my stuff and walk out the door. I take a last glance to the room that could have been the place for an adventure of the heart; the bed that could have been the place for the body and skin to experience one of the pleasures of life; yet decided not to be so.

Walking the night in search for a coffee shop to have some warm drink and a cigarette, surrounded by people but still alone; to reflect in the adventures that we all live in life, even if they go in the direction we wanted or not. There will be another time, and there will be someone else, so there’s no need to worry or be mad, just let the time flow by as it knows so well how to do it, and life will be bright once more.