Tag Archive | Nature

Sexual Offender

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What’s not to like about it? At least for some of us. One of the most common things for me is to spend some time in a State Park, search for a solitary place, and take some nudity pictures that I can use in my site. Most of the times I am very nervous of being caught since here in Colorado (for what I understand) one would be arrested and processed as Sexual Offender, with a stain in our record that will never be erased, and our name and picture in a special web site where people can check names to see if that person happens to be a Sexual Offender.

The problem is that getting arrested as a Sexual Offenders for hiking nude is the same as for having sex with children by force! Two completely different things! Yet they place you in the same basket. So being arrested for hiking nude can be disastrous for your career, and even your personal life!

So you can imagine how nervous one can be by being naked in a State Park! Which add to the excitement of finding a secluded spot and doing it!

I’ve been naked at Stated Parks many times and have hundred of pictures from those “adventures”. The rush, the heart beating hard, nervously watching all around for an unexpected hiker in the area. Nudity in nature and the risk of screwing up one’s life in an instant because of the laws, it all adds to the rush. I often think if this could be compared to racing a car in a high level category, where a lot is at stake; maybe.

But let me clarify; in my case the desire is about being naked in nature. The rush is because most of the times I have to do it in a State Park, so it is forbidden. The rush is because of doing something forbidden; not a secret desire to be “accidentally” caught by someone. I tend to be an exhibitionist, but I am too chicken to do it for real! LOL

One thing I want to do is to get pictures of me being nude in nature while cars in a close by highway can be seen behind me, to a distance where anybody in those cars would see I’m nude! I’ve seen places where I could do it, but in the past five years my chicken nature hasn’t let me do it! LOL

Yours truly

Chicken Exhibitionist
(Angel)

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The Woman Within

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While in my “society” life there are so many problems to deal with at work, home, sex, dreams, etc. that at the moment of taking my clothes off and walking naked under the sun and the breeze, all society related things go away together with the clothes and I really can feel free and be part of nature as another creature of mother Earth.

Not only the problems related with striving in a society disappear, but also the doubts and dark feelings that are always conditioned by society rules and teachings loose their importance and effect in my mind. So a free spirit I become, to let the inner feelings come out in whatever form and intensity they might be and exist.

When walking naked in the open surrounded by nature I can feel the woman in me expressing herself without restriction, and that allows me to feel free and happy! No longer the need to pretend or adapt to what suppose to be or what is expected, but instead the true one exists, even if it is for a brief moment, while always scared of being caught daring to search for freedom.

So brief moments are, and intensity in the joy is the norm, until the time to go back to reality and society comes, and becomes a long wait to the next opportunity to travel to that parallel universe where true humans exist and can be.

I might not look like a beautiful and sexy woman; I might resemble more a hybrid thing of male and female in the darkest side of possibilities; but when being alone in nature, and naked to be part of it, I can feel happy inside and even feel sexy and attractive!

So the woman within becomes free to come out and enjoy physical life, while the man owning the body can feel free to let those inner feelings surface without society restrictions that only promote frustrations.

The true freedom of being a human creature! The opportunity to free up the woman within.

Angel

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Cannot Return

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I don’t understand. I tried to return. Tried to go back to the brain and stay there, but it seems I cannot return!

In the post “Time to Return” two months ago I mentioned I was going to retrieve inside the brain and let my brother take control back over the body. No more being a woman in physical life while using a borrowed body.

Well, the idea seemed fine, and I did try my best to go back inside the brain, but after two months it has been impossible! Even though many times the activities have been my brother’s, and so it supposed to be easier for him to retake control of the body and for me to retrieve inside the brain, still it has been me all the time the one being “out” and controlling the body. No matter what, it has been like if automatically it is and will always be me the one controlling the body, which means I am not inside the brain, but pretty much out and about!

And it does become scary!

I do want to be in physical life, and would love to have the body for the rest of its life for me to use it (and transform it) as I please. But when it comes to the cost of having it without the express consent of my brother, then it becomes more like stealing it from him, and with it, robbing him of his life and the life he had with his family. Not only it hurts one man, but his family too!!

And then there is the health part. For some reason, since I started coming out of the inside of the brain and using the body, it seems the body has become more and more ill.

So I wanted to retrieve inside the brain and return things to their original state; my brother controlling his body and me living inside. My hopes still are that maybe going back to how it used to be, the body will start to recover from all the problems it has been acquiring since I started using it.

You see, it is like too much of a coincidence that since I started using the body, the body started adding one problem after another. First acquiring the Fibromyalgia Syndrome, which is considered to be acquired due to excessive stress (and boy, life has been stressing since I started controlling the body!). Then came the loss of vision; my brother used to have such a sharp eyesight, and now it is required augmentation of 2.50 to read what I am writing in the computer right now. Then the weight gain, going from 165 to 195 lbs in about a year, and since then unable to get down, but having peaks of up to 205 lbs! Then add the stomach problem with the loss of bowl movement, which also seems to be attributed to stress! And then the bumps in the anus, to which one doctor said it is hemorrhoids, another said it is Herpes, and another said it is Warts. The weird thing is the bumps get reduced when I clean up the stomach with milk of magnesia! And now this kind of Cold or Flu I acquired lately, and haven’t been able to get rid of for three weeks!

So what else is next?

 

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I do feel I should retrieve inside the brain and let my brother retake control of the body; the problems is, I’ve tried but I just can’t! It is like I am stuck with controlling the body, and there is no turn back, which makes me doubt our Two Spirits condition and think of a Transsexual condition instead. In other words, maybe it always was a woman, and the man only existed because of social pressures while growing up? Maybe that’s why now I can’t go back inside? It is not that I came out and my brother in, but rather that I replaced him as one person changing from man to woman, and that’s why it is not possible to change back? In other words, it wasn’t a switching of who controls the body, but rather a Transsexual evolution? Who knows.

The problem then would be what about the male feelings that still are around in the brain? The desire for women; to be with them and touch their bodies? I have those desires! So are they mine or my brother’s?

It all seems more like a mental collapse sometimes! Like my only destination is the nut house! Soon!!

I really don’t know what to do.

Angel

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One Line

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Checking my profiles in Outpersonals and TSMeet, and doing some changes to update my info, I read the very first line in the Introduction in Outpersonals, and I got thinking.

The line says: “A shy nudist; a dreamer; a caged soul; an explorer

Yes, how true!!

I am a Shy Nudist; I love to be naked and I miss being naked. I love nudity in the outdoors, walking without any clothes between trees in a forest or by a quiet lake at the mountains. but because I am a woman in a man’s body, I don’t dare to go public with my nudity (where would it be allowed?), so I cannot proudly let my naked body be seen by people by the fear of being rejected, made fun of, and even possible violence.

I am a Dreamer; I dream of being a woman; I dream of traveling; writing; being divorced; being free!! I dream all the time. I daydream. I imagine how things would be if, and I dream of what can I do to reach those dreams.

I am a Caged Soul because I am a soul without a body, so the body I am in is not mine and I cannot do whatever I want. I am caged by not having my own body and having to live in someone else body, restricted of free movement.

I am an Explorer; I am pushing the envelope in the body transformation to look more like a woman in the outside, even though I shouldn’t because it is not my body. An Explorer because I’ve tried many things my brother (the owner of the body) would have never tried. And I am going into an unknown world of Transgender life, like someone attracted to get inside a jungle of beauty, excitement and dangers.

Yes, I am a Shy Nudist; a Dreamer; a Caged Soul; an Explorer. And why it is so important to remember now what I wrote so long ago? So not to forget my own identity, even if it is a blurry image of a physical being that doesn’t exist.

I am a ghost trying to remember it’s blurry, nonexistent shape!!

So I added the line at the top of my Introduction in TSMeet also, to have the same introductory line in both profiles. Not that it will make any difference really since most people in those sites never read profiles, but it is nice to have it there. A one line that somehow says it all.

Kisses

Angel

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Forbidden Pleasures

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I’ve mentioned before I don’t like my genitals to be touched when sex playing. There are two reasons for that; one, they are the wrong part in me, so when a man play with them I feel he is not interested in the woman I am, but rather the body of a man, and so he sees a man in me; and two, my genitals are very fragile and prone to pain, so they have to be handle very carefully, or I will get lots of pain!!

So I don’t use my genitals!! Instead, I can use the rest of the body as my sexual part. Still, my friend likes to play with my cock, and he is so gentle when doing it, that he is the only one I would allow to touch them. I know when he is playing with my genitals, not only I don’t get pain, but instead I do get lots of pleasure, as you can imagine while looking at the picture above.

Actually, this picture is one of the very rare occasion when he played with my cock since it really doesn’t happens very often. I don’t like my genitals to be touched and so he stays away from them, until for some strange and obscure reason, he does play with my parts again. But that is a pleasure that, even it can be very nice to feel, I prefer to skip when we are making love.

At the other hand, I guess I should be thankful he kept my cock “out of the picture” by keeping it in his mouth!! LOL

Kisses

Angel

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