Tag Archive | Exposure

Topless Parade

476   2016-08-29     75  04 Trips and Adventures                Topless Parade (1)

 

Yesterday was the Topless Parade here in Downtown Denver. They are celebrating the Women’s Equality Day and their right to go topless in public, and they celebrate and push to change the laws by…going topless in public!

Originally I wanted to participate (as I mentioned in the post Topless March) so to enjoy being topless in Downtown Denver in daylight, in a public place, in plain view! But finally decided not to, mostly because of all the problems at hand that couldn’t be fixed on time. My excessive weight; The body hair that should be shaved completely in all the body; My intentions to retrieve inside the brain and not be out anymore, and some other problems.

But I still wanted to go, now with a different intention. Since one of the problem is the safety issue (you never know if there will be violence of some sort), I decided to go with my friend and watch the parade as spectators, and see how it is; what do they do; how I would feel among them; and if there is any problem related to violence.

So we went and enjoyed the moment in Downtown watching all the happenings in this event. Slowly people started to congregate at the park, growing the number of participants in the event. But it took them an extra hour and a half to finally get a BIG number of participant and decide to start the parade. By then we were already leaving, so we didn’t walk with the group as intended originally.

That was OK though; I still had the chance to see how things go in an event like this, and how is the response of people around. It seems, at least here in Denver, people don’t care much about an event like this, and they are happy with just watch, take some pictures, and then leave. That is a good thing when you consider the safety aspect.

Now, since the weather was holding pretty nice, with a sunny day and the temperatures in the 80’s, it was possible not only to be topless, but also be able to enjoy the breeze and the sun in the body while participating in the event.

One thing that surprised me was that my wild thoughts were real! You see, for a moment I thought I would love to go completely naked, and covering just my cock with a C-string; in other words, leaving all the female features exposed while just hiding the male ones; this with the idea of trying to be seen as a genetic woman, at the same time of enjoying being completely naked in public. But I thought this would be just a wild thought that could never happen, yet there was a girl covering her body with only some electric tape, but still showing her whole body!

 

476   2016-08-29     75  04 Trips and Adventures                Topless Parade (2)

 

This made me think that maybe it is possible for me to do the same and be completely naked while just covering my cock, so it would be thought of it as a pussy, and people would see me as a woman rather than a Transsexual. Obviously to do something like that it would be necessary to have a nice body, so I would have to loose weight and shape my body, together with getting a nice, even tan all over…not an easy thing to do! Still, it gave me hopes in that next year I could participate if I prepare myself (and my body) for this event. That was a very important and pleasant surprise for me!

But it has its price! Being completely naked can be very pleasant for the woman; but then she would be surrounded by people with cameras, taking pictures and videos. That would require a good personality to stand there for a couple of hours, and a good attitude to smile and allow men to pose with you to get pictures of them with a naked girl. I think I can do that, but still it would require some preparation from my part to be able to do it right. I want the attention to feel better about myself, but by not being used to have that level of attention, right now I could be easily overwhelmed with the situation!

At the other hand, my brother was enjoying watching the girls and comparing breasts, while having thoughts of playing with them! I guess men are like that, and since my brother is a straight man who likes only women, being among the topless girls would have to be very arousing for him.

 

476   2016-08-29     75  04 Trips and Adventures                Topless Parade (3)

 

Maybe next year I will be in conditions to participate in this Parade. I certainly would love to be there among the crowd while being topless, or maybe even completely naked, covering my genitals with a C-string only. I know, I am a little of an exhibitionist, a little bit of a slut, and a little bit of an unsecured woman, but still, while trying to enjoy the moment and reassure myself, I would be participating in pushing the laws to be more open to women’s freedoms, which is always a good thing.  :)

Kisses

Angel

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The Woman Within

465   2016-07-21   133  01 Psychology and Mind               The Woman Within (1)

 

While in my “society” life there are so many problems to deal with at work, home, sex, dreams, etc. that at the moment of taking my clothes off and walking naked under the sun and the breeze, all society related things go away together with the clothes and I really can feel free and be part of nature as another creature of mother Earth.

Not only the problems related with striving in a society disappear, but also the doubts and dark feelings that are always conditioned by society rules and teachings loose their importance and effect in my mind. So a free spirit I become, to let the inner feelings come out in whatever form and intensity they might be and exist.

When walking naked in the open surrounded by nature I can feel the woman in me expressing herself without restriction, and that allows me to feel free and happy! No longer the need to pretend or adapt to what suppose to be or what is expected, but instead the true one exists, even if it is for a brief moment, while always scared of being caught daring to search for freedom.

So brief moments are, and intensity in the joy is the norm, until the time to go back to reality and society comes, and becomes a long wait to the next opportunity to travel to that parallel universe where true humans exist and can be.

I might not look like a beautiful and sexy woman; I might resemble more a hybrid thing of male and female in the darkest side of possibilities; but when being alone in nature, and naked to be part of it, I can feel happy inside and even feel sexy and attractive!

So the woman within becomes free to come out and enjoy physical life, while the man owning the body can feel free to let those inner feelings surface without society restrictions that only promote frustrations.

The true freedom of being a human creature! The opportunity to free up the woman within.

Angel

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Nudist Rejection

444   2016-05-02     72  04 Trips and Adventures                  Nudist Rejection (1)

 

I am a nudist. I consider myself so because I really enjoy the feeling of freedom when not wearing anything on me. Walking, doing things around the house, working in my shop, building something, hiking in nature, kayaking a quiet lake, all those things I do feel better when I am nude.

It is not about sex. When doing things nude I don’t feel any sexual desire and I don’t get aroused. I don’t even think about sex. I just feel very comfortable and with free movement in my body, with no restrictions from fabrics. I feel free, and I love it!!

So far I haven’t had the opportunity to spend time with other nudists, so still haven’t been in the situation to see how I would feel, and if it’ll be any sexual thoughts when there (including arousing!).

For this reason I tried to go to a nudist resort here in CO, and to avoid any problems, I first sent a letter asking if they accept Transsexuals. And the reason to ask is because I look like half woman in the top portion of my body, and half man in the bottom portion. In other words, I am a woman with small breasts and a penis. Not that my penis could be of offense to anyone considering its size (tiny), but my testicles are kind of big for my size, so they are very notorious.

 

444   2016-05-02     72  04 Trips and Adventures                  Nudist Rejection (2)

 

I know it might look strange to some people, especially to those with children that may worry about what their children could learn, or the concepts they might develop when exposed to the view of a Transsexual woman. So I consider appropriate and kind from my part to ask first, and not just go and try to force my right to be there.

They never answered!

The only reason I can see for that is to avoid saying no since they don’t want to say yes. In other words, I was rejected! Nudist resorts don’t want Transsexuals in their premises!

Now, I can somehow understand when a resort, a facility, a business, deny the access to a Transsexual under any reasons because they want to protect their business. They are not nudists, they are business people making money out of nudists, so they really don’t care about who I am, they just want to make sure they will not loose customers because customers start to leave when they see a Transsexual.

So I searched and found a nudist group here in the Denver area and sent a letter to them asking the same question. This group doesn’t have grounds, but they meet in their houses or places they know they can be nude.

They took a long time to answer. Actually they didn’t answer, but rather I received an automatically sent letter of acceptance. Only after about a week I received a letter from the organizer of the group giving me the welcome aboard and the list of already planned activities for the coming summer.

I checked the list and got interested in the second meet, which was a simple reunion in a kind of spa place that seems to be owned by the organizer. Sort of perfect for my first time!

But I didn’t go!

 

444   2016-05-02     72  04 Trips and Adventures                  Nudist Rejection (3)

 

Yeah, you’re right, I chickened!

The first thing that pushed me to not register for that meet was my voice. I still have a male voice, and even though for many transsexuals that is of no importance, and they go around dressed as a woman but having a male voice, for me it is very important to look like a woman in every aspect, which includes the voice. To me, if we want to be women we suppose to walk the extra mile and turn our bodies and our minds into women. We need to acquire the voice and the manners of a woman, together with the look when dressed or nude. Dressed I could pass as a woman if seen from a distance; nude I don’t pass as a woman because of my easily seen genitals; and with my voice I definitely don’t pass as a woman because of the sound of my voice, which is not deep, but it does sound male anyway.

So I chickened, that’s the truth. I saw my pictures and myself in the mirror and thought, I’m just going to make a fool of myself in front of everybody! They might accept me for who I am, but also they might reject me because of thinking I’m just a guy pretending to be a woman, and say nothing just to be polite. So I didn’t go.

But that got me thinking. I was rejected by a company making business while (supposedly) representing the spirit of nudists, and I rejected myself in the possibility of getting among other nudists that were not associated or under any company. So, even though I don’t know if nudists would reject me or not (since they most probably will not say), I used the company mentality to measure myself and make a decision. That would mean it is the company mentality the origin of rejection. While in a one on one it depends on every person, the company mentality is the applied norm that can be used to create acceptance or rejection depending on a generalized standard of reference, which can or cannot be logic, but still is the rule to follow.

That means I measure myself by the generalized standards of reference, and while it makes my road harder than normal in order to comply, and by which I can see more rejection of what may actually exist, at least I know, once reaching the point of compliance with such standards, I will truly look and “feel” to others around as a woman.

Angel

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TS Woman

416   2016-02-29   113  01 Psychology and Mind                TS Woman (1)

 

A Transsexual Woman, a TS, a Tgirl, a Gurl, a Shemale, a Tranny…anyway you call me because I am a woman in a man’s body. I have to say:

Yes, I am a woman with the feelings of a woman while in a man’s body. A mix of a man and a woman in my brain, with all the confusion sometimes it creates. With a body that doesn’t reflect a woman. With the imperfections I’m working on and the ones I could never correct. I am a woman inside and a man outside.

This is a Transsexual woman.

I am not a freak. I am not a weirdo. I am not a confused man. I am not a disease or a man-slut. I am not Gay, Crossdresser or a Drag Queen. I am a woman in a man’s body. I am a Transsexual Woman.

Is that so difficult to accept? Can I go out dressing as a woman even if I don’t look like one? Is that so hard to understand and accept? People going to church every Sunday; people talking about their openness to new concepts and ideas; people who claim to be modern and advance, can you accept a woman as she is, even if her body is a male one? No!!

They believe they are open minded, yet they reject those who don’t conform to what they were taught in their childhood. Men are men and women are women…anyone who claim to be the opposite of their genitals is wrong and a sick person!! Anyone who doesn’t condition her entire life, her thoughts, her desires, her feelings and dreams to the kind of genitals she has is wrong, crazy or a slut!! Genitals indicates who and what a whole person should be!!

But then…it is not just what the others think and if they accept me or not. It is how does it feel inside me. Is it worth all of these? My body feels like crap; I am deteriorating rapidly; pain; lack of energy; I don’t even feel like crying anymore! My body seats still looking to the nothingness while breathing through a bumpy road, even if I am not moving, while seating in a chair alone in an empty room. A physical body that once was male, and now is just the remnants of neither.

I am so tired!!

I don’t feel like living life anymore!!

Maybe reincarnation does exist, and maybe in a future life my genitals will be the same side of my mind. I hope.

But I am so tired right now of all this struggle, that I just want to sleep…forever!!

Some days…many days, are so difficult to be a Transsexual Woman!

Kisses

Angel

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One Line

413   2016-02-22   112  01 Psychology and Mind               One Line (1)

 

Checking my profiles in Outpersonals and TSMeet, and doing some changes to update my info, I read the very first line in the Introduction in Outpersonals, and I got thinking.

The line says: “A shy nudist; a dreamer; a caged soul; an explorer

Yes, how true!!

I am a Shy Nudist; I love to be naked and I miss being naked. I love nudity in the outdoors, walking without any clothes between trees in a forest or by a quiet lake at the mountains. but because I am a woman in a man’s body, I don’t dare to go public with my nudity (where would it be allowed?), so I cannot proudly let my naked body be seen by people by the fear of being rejected, made fun of, and even possible violence.

I am a Dreamer; I dream of being a woman; I dream of traveling; writing; being divorced; being free!! I dream all the time. I daydream. I imagine how things would be if, and I dream of what can I do to reach those dreams.

I am a Caged Soul because I am a soul without a body, so the body I am in is not mine and I cannot do whatever I want. I am caged by not having my own body and having to live in someone else body, restricted of free movement.

I am an Explorer; I am pushing the envelope in the body transformation to look more like a woman in the outside, even though I shouldn’t because it is not my body. An Explorer because I’ve tried many things my brother (the owner of the body) would have never tried. And I am going into an unknown world of Transgender life, like someone attracted to get inside a jungle of beauty, excitement and dangers.

Yes, I am a Shy Nudist; a Dreamer; a Caged Soul; an Explorer. And why it is so important to remember now what I wrote so long ago? So not to forget my own identity, even if it is a blurry image of a physical being that doesn’t exist.

I am a ghost trying to remember it’s blurry, nonexistent shape!!

So I added the line at the top of my Introduction in TSMeet also, to have the same introductory line in both profiles. Not that it will make any difference really since most people in those sites never read profiles, but it is nice to have it there. A one line that somehow says it all.

Kisses

Angel

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