Tag Archive | Danger

Moment in Time

454   2016-06-09      31  06 Fiction Stories                             Moment in Time (1)

 

She wanted to be alive, to enjoy what is to be in life. She pushed to the limits for the processes to be created in order for her to take over the body, and continue life to the end. She knew she was asking too much!

Just three years before things were sort of fine for him. Although there was the doubt of his own identity, he still managed to have a life and people to live for. He had his job (which he hated, so thing were “normal”), had his place and his cars, together with the typical thousand projects that were part of his life. Things were going fine; not perfect, but fine.

The discovery of a woman inside his head came to explain so many doubts and confusions about his entire life, from his childhood to the present, but also brought the anxiety of not knowing what to do then. He was used to be a man and just have those strange Gay desires of being with another man sexually, but that was just a different “activity” of what he supposed to do as a man; just a slight deviation in with what sex is the person he would have sex with, and nothing else.

But a woman inside his head? What he supposed to do? Let her use the body so she can experience physical life, even though it would be in a male body? Maybe for just a short amount of time. What can go wrong if she takes the controls of the body and fly through life pretending it was him. Like borrowing the controls of an airplane from the pilot, just for a couple of minutes and when the airplane was going quietly at high altitude and in a stable curse. Take the controls for a moment and feel being the pilot, just long enough to know what it is, and then return the controls to the pilot; the rightful owner of flying the airplane. And all of this without communicating their doings to flight control. Nobody will ever know! Everybody would think it was him all the times.

But she took the controls and tried different maneuvers that she wasn’t prepared to do, and the pilot didn’t think she would do that, so the airplane started to spiral down, slowly at first, and then faster and faster. The pilot took the controls to recover the airplane from the fall, but she was still holding the other set of controls and fighting also to recover the airplane. It wasn’t clear for them both if their doings together was helping or getting things worst, but they did know they were going down anyway.

She didn’t know if she should release completely the airplane controls and let the pilot fight alone to fix her doing, or if she should fight the controls with him, trying to do her part in the process. In doubt, she persisted and remained.

 

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Seating at the patio table; staring at the computer trying to come up with something to write; his mind foggy and tired; the sickness; one of many. And what to do about the future. Should she keep the body and he retreat to inner corners of the brain, so she could live life for the rest of the time the body had? Should he recover the body and send her back to the inner corners of the brain, so he could take back his life, or whatever was left of it, to live there until he died? Should they share the body for the rest of the time? What to do? He couldn’t concentrate; he was tired, like he has been for the past three months now, as the deepest part reached so far in the spiraling down that started three years ago, when he discovered her existence. What to do?

Thinking; planning; calculating; analyzing, as he always did in the face of a problem encountered in the past. She was quietly seating in the back of the brain, knowing that somehow she was responsible for his downfall, after he allowed her to use his body. She didn’t feel good. For a while now she wasn’t the happy and impulsive little girl she used to be when first experiencing life. She knew she had messed up things, and she supposed to retreat to the brain now to let him take full control and forget about all the things and problems she incorporated in his already full schedule. But she wanted to live! Her only card left was his desire to give her his body completely, so she could have life while he would retire to the brain, tired of trying and failing. She knew she still had a slight chance.

With a page full of lines describing feelings, possibilities and facts, he was trying to understand what he supposed to do as the right thing, rather than the most obvious. When logic would say he should push her inside the brain and never let her come out again, so he could fix the problems and recover from the spiraling down, he had doubts about how long term that solution would be, before she would be trying to come out again, and even more, he would be bringing her to life himself. So many elements that he knew will not work if she was hidden in the brain, and so many elements that he knew also will not work if she took the body full time. What to do? What to think? And the mind remained foggy.

—————-

Although short jeans would be more appropriate and more comfortable to be working under the hood, she loved her mini skirt, and she knew guys would be paying close attention to her every time she leaned over the engine. She knew she was creating problems, as she always did, but she loved it! Her light blue jeans mini skirt; a brighter blue T shirt she fixed with a pair of scissors to make it shorter; her trusty short and old black leather boots, and a curious blue cap she found in a second hand store some time ago. She was dressing to kill, even if the event was a collector car show. She knew she didn’t have the best body, but her skin was fine and tanned, so with the added baby oil to make it shine, and together with her well practiced soft and sexy movements in her whole body and face, she knew she could shine as a sexy and desirable woman; one that would attract many possible buyers to her car, who were coming to see it as an excuse to take a better look at that babe.

Maybe she could sell the car and make some money, and maybe she could hook up someone for dating and sex, as she always did in those events. It was all fun! Including the faces of wives around, who were standing at a distance watching their husbands “go check that car real quick”, and giving her hate looks while in their minds they were going through all the bad words in the dictionary, from the first to the last page. She was having fun! There was a very special pleasure for her in to be more attractive to men than genetic women, which made her feel better about herself, especially when considering that she was a Transsexual woman. Life was great!

 

454   2016-06-09      31  06 Fiction Stories                             Moment in Time (3)

 

He knew there was a chance for her to reach her dreams of how to be, but odds were more in favor of having a complete failure, and just reaching a half way point that would not satisfy her, and yet would also be too far to come back and be a man again. She wanted to try, he knew, but he had to make sure she would succeed, or they both would be in deep trouble with a half changed body that would be of no use for any of them!

————–

Funny as it can be, he always felt the sad loneliness when walking desert lands, as it was that portion of the Texas South West area. His memories of those left behind to have time for him, as he never took before. That special tingling feeling in his stomach that was a permanent part of his trips alone, letting him know he would never be able to completely be one again. He became part of others in his past fifty years of life, so the second fifty would be of loneliness if he decided to retain his freedom. He was like a spoiled bird who lived too long in captivity, so the opportunity of freedom was not something it could take anymore, even if it dreamed of that every night.

But then, she could be alone in the desert and not feel loneliness. She never had a family of her own. For the first fifty years she was hiding in a corner inside the brain, so she didn’t learn of family or friends connections, by the opposite, she learned how to be alone and happy. So he knew it should be her having the body rather than him, but the fear of failure, together with the urgent and very real need of recovering from the spiraling down, he had no choice but to decide to take back the body. In many aspects life was easier as a man compared with as a woman, yet there was still that feeling of emptiness, and the doubts of having taken the wrong decision.

The time to decide had come. There would be no assurance of making the right decision. It was more like betting on one of three chances, and then hoping things will work out in the future. A lottery! Not something he was used to or liked it.

Angel

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Previous Lives

434   2016-04-28   122  01 Psychology and Mind                Previous Lives (1)

 

Since I was with my brother from the time he was a child, all his life, from which he has his memories, I too have my own memories of a life and growing up, to the point I am today. There are differences in the way we perceived and remember our lives. Some of the feelings are the same and some others are different. One of the memories we both have is this one, which have an incidence in both of us, yet the feeling is different since I am a woman and my brother a man. So seeing this memory from my perspective, this is what happened.

I never knew for what reason, but since being a very small child I was always intrigued about Japan. In the times when libraries were the only way to get information (70’s in South America), I couldn’t get much. But my fascination with Japan was always there. At the other hand, I’ve been always afraid of giant walls falling over me. I used to have fever attacks when a child, and most of the times I had hallucinations, and I always had the same two; either a giant wall of water was falling over me, or it was a giant circus tent the one falling over me; in neither case I could escape. I knew I could run, but there would be no point since I knew I would be crashed by the giant tent or the giant wall anyway. The feelings of being so powerless at that moment, completely surrounded and deprived of vision and breathing until I die, no matter how much I kick and try to escape, it simply terrified me!

I was always so terrified of not being able to see and breath, to the point I’ve never been able to learn to swim! As soon as my eyes, nose and mouth get under water, my heart starts racing! I’ve even tried filling the lavatory with water and putting my face in it, and again, as soon as I feel I can’t see because my eyes get covered by water, and can’t breath, because my nose and mouth get under water, my heart jumps to a 1000 MPH!!

Also, I’ve always wanted to travel and see places; that’s why I bought a motorhome and being restoring VW Campers from the 70’s and 80’s; I love the concept of a motorhome or camper to travel, but not much interested in going by ship or airplane, even if the destinations are of my interest.

Then, these feelings of being a woman when I was born in a male body, yet the refusal to give control to a man as a couple. The desire to be independent and protect my freedom no matter what. I might feel as a woman, I might like to be the one being taken and penetrated in bed, but outside the bedroom I am your equal, and if you don’t like it, I’ll just go and never come back!

Because of these things I came to the conclusion I must have been a Japanese Woman in the past, like in the 1700’s or 1800’s. Probably living in a small village by the ocean. She must have spent a lot of time walking by the ocean, dreaming of traveling and seeing places, in a time when travel to new and exotic places was done by ship only, as there was no other way by then. Then, in the past Japanese women were considered very second to men, and they had to obey and be of service to their husbands, which must have been very frustrating to women. Maybe this, assuming she was married, could have been the reason why she wanted to travel far away, not only to satisfy her curiosity about other places, but also to escape a life of oppression and violence, and find new opportunities. Like a second lease in life!

 

434   2016-04-28   122  01 Psychology and Mind                Previous Lives (2)

 

Probably she walked a lot by the beach dreaming of traveling and freedom, when a tsunami came, destroyed the village and killed her in the process. So being me that Japanese woman, I fear walls of water since I died by one of them, being crashed, surrounded and held until I died by drowning, no matter how much I fought. So my hallucinations as a child and my irrational fear to being under water without the possibility to see and breath. And I know the problem is, not being able to see and breath, because I tried in a reservoir using goggles and a snorkel, and even though my heart was racing when submersing my face under water, just by being able to see and breath while underwater I was able to calm down myself after a couple of minutes, to the point of even trying swimming as a frog for a moment! So I know, if it is with scuba diving equipment, I can have fun under water, but without aids to protect my vision and breathing, I just can’t!

Everything fits. My extreme curiosity of visiting Japan (since I was Japanese), My desire to be a woman even if I was born in a male body (since I was a woman), my desire for freedom and independence (since Japanese women had it very difficult in the past), and for the same reason, when the dictatorship took my country, and by seeing the abuse of men in uniform just because they had guns, I guess for me it wasn’t just about going away for freedom, but I developed a rejection to military and guns; I can’t stand the abuse of the given power, like a soldier in the dictatorship, or a Japanese man to women in the past! I feel as a woman, but a very feminist one! LOL

Then, my fascination with motorhomes and campers, as they can travel places over solid ground, rather than by water or air, where it doesn’t make any difference if it is a ship or a plane, either way you are trapped no matter what, until you die, and there is nothing you can do since you don’t have control over the machines and the environments (you die if the ship sinks in the ocean or if the plane falls from the sky), while in a car or motorhome you have control and can anticipate and prevent; much of your safety is in your hands, not somebody else’s hands; and the environment is not so unforgiving as the open ocean or the air from a 10,000 ft altitude! It’s about feeling of having control over one’s life!

And that Japanese woman probably spent a lot of time walking by the beach, dreaming of traveling to a far away exotic land, where she could get a second lease in life with freedom to be. The funny part is that I traveled to the US in search of freedom from the dictatorship, and got to see an exotic land myself, and had an opportunity for a better life! That Japanese woman did get her dream after all, even if it was a couple of hundred years later after she died!! I cry every time I think of this!!

Oh, and I don’t know how it happened since I wasn’t trying to get that result. Because of the clothes I was wearing, I thought of a picture of a Country Style Woman, but instead I ended up with a picture of a Japanese Girl!! LOL

 

434   2016-04-28   122  01 Psychology and Mind                Previous Lives (3)

 

So many things, isn’t it? I am not saying this is how it is and how this happened, but I believe at least it grants a second thought, don’t you think?

Kisses

Angel

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TS Woman

416   2016-02-29   113  01 Psychology and Mind                TS Woman (1)

 

A Transsexual Woman, a TS, a Tgirl, a Gurl, a Shemale, a Tranny…anyway you call me because I am a woman in a man’s body. I have to say:

Yes, I am a woman with the feelings of a woman while in a man’s body. A mix of a man and a woman in my brain, with all the confusion sometimes it creates. With a body that doesn’t reflect a woman. With the imperfections I’m working on and the ones I could never correct. I am a woman inside and a man outside.

This is a Transsexual woman.

I am not a freak. I am not a weirdo. I am not a confused man. I am not a disease or a man-slut. I am not Gay, Crossdresser or a Drag Queen. I am a woman in a man’s body. I am a Transsexual Woman.

Is that so difficult to accept? Can I go out dressing as a woman even if I don’t look like one? Is that so hard to understand and accept? People going to church every Sunday; people talking about their openness to new concepts and ideas; people who claim to be modern and advance, can you accept a woman as she is, even if her body is a male one? No!!

They believe they are open minded, yet they reject those who don’t conform to what they were taught in their childhood. Men are men and women are women…anyone who claim to be the opposite of their genitals is wrong and a sick person!! Anyone who doesn’t condition her entire life, her thoughts, her desires, her feelings and dreams to the kind of genitals she has is wrong, crazy or a slut!! Genitals indicates who and what a whole person should be!!

But then…it is not just what the others think and if they accept me or not. It is how does it feel inside me. Is it worth all of these? My body feels like crap; I am deteriorating rapidly; pain; lack of energy; I don’t even feel like crying anymore! My body seats still looking to the nothingness while breathing through a bumpy road, even if I am not moving, while seating in a chair alone in an empty room. A physical body that once was male, and now is just the remnants of neither.

I am so tired!!

I don’t feel like living life anymore!!

Maybe reincarnation does exist, and maybe in a future life my genitals will be the same side of my mind. I hope.

But I am so tired right now of all this struggle, that I just want to sleep…forever!!

Some days…many days, are so difficult to be a Transsexual Woman!

Kisses

Angel

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Naked Fox

412   2016-02-18    31  06 Fiction Stories                             Naked Fox (1)

 

I was invited to a party in the mountains. They told me it was a customs party, so I have to wear a custom. And since it was a party of people from a sex dating site, I decide to go as a naked fox. After all, the main drink supposed to be sex!!

 

412   2016-02-18    31  06 Fiction Stories                             Naked Fox (2)

 

When I got there I realized it was all snowed around and the temperature was below freezing, so I hurried to knock the door to get in, to a more comfortable environment.

I knocked the door several times, but nobody opened, and no sounds could be heard from inside. Maybe they were hiding? Maybe nobody was there and I got the address wrong? Maybe I was at an empty place?

I kept knocking the door, but nothing happened, while I remained standing outside in the freezing temperatures!

 

412   2016-02-18    31  06 Fiction Stories                             Naked Fox (3)

 

Since nobody opened the door, I remained outside, standing in the cold while freezing, waiting for something to happen, while thinking if I had the right information about the party, or if I got it all wrong.

 

412   2016-02-18    31  06 Fiction Stories                             Naked Fox (4)

 

After a while, and by seeing nobody answered my calls, I started to thing what should I do. Should I insist in knocking the door? Should I check the information I had about the party, to see if I got it all wrong, or if I was at the right place and this was all a bad joke?

I remained there for a couple of minutes thinking while freezing with my naked fox custom.

 

412   2016-02-18    31  06 Fiction Stories                             Naked Fox (5)

 

Then I decided to just leave and once back at home write to the organizers of the party about the bad moment I had. Could it be they canceled the party at the last minute? Maybe there was an email waiting for me, that I didn’t see in my hurry to get to the party to have wild sex for a day.

So I went to my car and left, back to home, after getting frozen and not getting any sex!! (Damn it!!)

 

412   2016-02-18    31  06 Fiction Stories                             Naked Fox (6)

 

By the way, in case you are wondering, this is how you hold a fox tail in your butt, LOL

Kisses

Angel

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At the Beach

392   2015-12-11    67  04 Trips and Adventures                 At the Beach (1)

 

A couple of years ago, when just beginning my explorations as a woman, one of the things I started to enjoy was to be naked in nature.

That day it was about 7 pm, so it was getting dark and people were leaving the park. I didn’t see anybody around at the parking lot or the beach. Temperature was in its 60’s and there was a light wind. I just couldn’t resist! I had to take everything off and enjoy the place, the beach, the air and the solitude in complete nudity.

 

392   2015-12-11    67  04 Trips and Adventures                 At the Beach (2)

 

Being completely naked, feeling the slight wind in my skin, the long hair sweetly touching my shoulders and getting in front of my eyes, I really felt as a woman. I was nervous that someone might show up, but still manage to remain there for a moment long enough to get this pictures (and others) posing and feeling as a woman.

 

392   2015-12-11    67  04 Trips and Adventures                 At the Beach (3)

 

I hope you like the pictures, and I hope you can see a woman in them.

Kisses

Angel

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