Thinking, thinking, thinking. Or should I say sinking?
For the past couple of weeks I’ve been doing a chronology of what happened in the last five years, trying to understand why I’ve been spiraling down so badly. Physically, emotionally and intellectually things have gone downward for me. I needed to understand what is the reason (or reasons) why everything went crazy and destructive.
After analyzing what I’ve found, the only conclusion I can get to is something I already knew; I shouldn’t be here! This is the body of my brother and not mine. He gave me the chance to try on physical life a little more than three years ago, so I could experience what it is to be “alive”. He let me use his body to feel myself walking in a park, and later on trying nudity in Nature. He allowed me to take more and more of his time and his body, so I could experience more things.
But it was intended as a way to let me “taste” life, rather than take over his own…which is what I did!
Living under heavy stress for three years takes its toll, and my brother’s body can show. His health has gone crappy and his mind has gone crazy. And the only thing for me to do now is what I’ve been trying to do for a while, yet haven’t been able to accomplish…go back inside the brain and return the body to him. Let him dedicate his time to the things he has to attend, rather than taking it to do my personal life.
Such are the problems of sharing one body between two spirits!
So I’m writing this post as the last one.
This blog started on March 15, 2013 and ends on December 12, 2016.
This is post number 497; only 3 posts shy of 500; but the count on the side might not show 497. The reason for that is that I may delete some posts and pictures that could be compromising for my brother’s life. I already deleted a couple of hundred pictures from the site, and that’s why some posts may not have any in them, but just a date and number in the place where the pictures used to be.
Still, I’ll leave the site up, in case somebody finds it and some of the posts can become useful to them; but I don’t want the content to come back later on, and kick on my brother’s life. I know, I should have thought of that before posting; but that is just another proof of my irresponsibility towards my brother. Now I’m trying to set things straight.
So this is my last entry. I don’t know if I will come back later in time and start posting again. Maybe I’ll do it from inside my brother’s brain, but not from physical life. Maybe I’ll never come back again and just live as a secondary female thought in my brother’s man’s life. Maybe after a while it’ll be me the new owner of the body after kicking my brother out of his own brain, who knows.
But I want to thank all of you who have been quietly reading this blog. I hope you found something to think about, something to laugh about, and liked some of the crazy pictures I’ve posted in these three and some years. Your letters throughout this time have been very important to me! A big hug and kiss to all of you!