Archive | October 2016

Sex Question



In the same line of the previous post, trying to better understand myself, here is another question:

If there was an injection that is used only once and is free, and the the use of this injection would be to completely suppress sexual desire for the rest of my life…would I take it?

By using this injection I would never feel sexual desire ever again.
I would never feel attraction to anyone of any sex, other than for a friendship
The effects will never subside

Would I take it?


It might seem strange to answer yes, especially considering how important is sexuality in a person; but that’s exactly the reason why I would take it.

You see, sexuality as sexual desire, attraction to others and actually having sex, is so important in most people’s lives that it can be a wonderful thing…or a curse! The need for sexual intercourse is deeply ingrained in our brains as a survival instinct of the specie as a way to keep us searching for sex most of the times, all from a time when we used to be cave people. But nowadays having sex anytime, anywhere and with anybody (willingly or not) doesn’t fit in our actual society rules, and our own moral behavior. Now we meet people, get attracted to someone, and from there we follow specific rules of dating and sex, which includes the proper respect for the other person.

Because of this we have more sexual desire than we can actually have sex! So to compensate there are several ways to provide people with sexual relief, including porn in its many forms, dating sites, and the the old masturbation thing.

Now, for some people (I guess the majority) the mentioned forms of “side” relief might work just fine, but for me it doesn’t. I never watched porn other than maybe 2 movies in total (in 50 years), I used to masturbate maybe twice a month when young, and lately no more than a couple of times a year, and while dating sites do provide with connection with other people searching for sex, the encounters are very sporadic (once a year average if being very active in the sites) and the found person not necessarily satisfy personal needs.




All this takes me to the point of wanting sex and not having it…for years (ring a bell?), so in my personal case it would be such a relief not to feel sexual desire anymore. It is not just the frustration of not having physical sex for years without the alternative of the typical alternatives, but also the problem of being a woman in a man’s body.

By being a woman in a man’s body there is the additional problem of having male genitals (that don’t work anymore) and the perception other people have that I am a man rather than a woman. This means that if I want to attract men and be seen as a woman I have to physically change my body to female, with all the problems, cost and time it implies.

At the other hand, if I didn’t have any sexual desires, with not feeling any attraction to other people, male or female, wouldn’t it be a lot easier in my life? I could remain as a man since that’s the body I have, I could remain married and have a happy life with family, and there would be no hidden desires, plans, projects and all the madness a transsexual person of my age have to live through.

It is said a 30 years marriage where there is no sex is nothing new, but in exchange there are other things and values that matter more than sex, and it is true; friendship, companionship, and tons of memories. Also, if in my personal case the sexual attraction I feel towards men is the main element that pushes me to feel as a woman and desire to become a FT woman, then by not feeling sexual desire not only I could stop wanting to be a woman, but also it could mean recovering my marriage and previous life as a man. In my personal case, what difference would it makes being a man or a woman if I don’t feel any sexual desire! And if so, why change my previous life as a married and family man if, by not desiring sex, nothing would change.

So you see why I would take that injection. And you…would you take it?




TS Question



Trying to understand my own feelings I came up with a question to help me see why I want to be a woman. The question is like this:


Assuming I am alone and no family to consider in my decisions.
No Family, friends and neighbors to worry about.
Just my own feelings to consider when making a decision.

If there was an injection that I can put on me only once in my life.
And this injection would cost no more than $100.
And this injection will change my body from male to female in like one year.
And it’ll transform my male parts into female parts.
From having a penis and testicles to having a vagina.

And it’ll grow nice and firm breasts with nice nipples.
And will also transform my body shape from male proportions to female proportions.
With wide hips and bigger butt.
While shrinking my shoulders and rib cage.
And will make the skin in my whole body smooth.
While getting rid of all my body hair and beard.
And growing nice long head hair.

And will soften my voice to a nice and sweet female voice.
And will stretch the skin in my face.
Giving me a beautiful, young looking face.
In other words.
It’ll change my body into a young, beautiful and sexy girl.

But the downside is that there will be no sex!
I will never feel aroused again.
And if having sex I will feel nothing!
So no masturbation, neither foreplay will arouse me ever again.
Living the rest of my life without sexual desire or pleasure from it.
With no sex with women or men.

Yet I will be a woman in my body, and a beautiful and sexy one!
So it’ll be just about dressing as a woman.
Doing my daily errands as a woman.
Living as women do.

Will I take the injection?
Will I accept living as a woman in exchange of never having sex again?





Sexual Offender



What’s not to like about it? At least for some of us. One of the most common things for me is to spend some time in a State Park, search for a solitary place, and take some nudity pictures that I can use in my site. Most of the times I am very nervous of being caught since here in Colorado (for what I understand) one would be arrested and processed as Sexual Offender, with a stain in our record that will never be erased, and our name and picture in a special web site where people can check names to see if that person happens to be a Sexual Offender.

The problem is that getting arrested as a Sexual Offenders for hiking nude is the same as for having sex with children by force! Two completely different things! Yet they place you in the same basket. So being arrested for hiking nude can be disastrous for your career, and even your personal life!

So you can imagine how nervous one can be by being naked in a State Park! Which add to the excitement of finding a secluded spot and doing it!

I’ve been naked at Stated Parks many times and have hundred of pictures from those “adventures”. The rush, the heart beating hard, nervously watching all around for an unexpected hiker in the area. Nudity in nature and the risk of screwing up one’s life in an instant because of the laws, it all adds to the rush. I often think if this could be compared to racing a car in a high level category, where a lot is at stake; maybe.

But let me clarify; in my case the desire is about being naked in nature. The rush is because most of the times I have to do it in a State Park, so it is forbidden. The rush is because of doing something forbidden; not a secret desire to be “accidentally” caught by someone. I tend to be an exhibitionist, but I am too chicken to do it for real! LOL

One thing I want to do is to get pictures of me being nude in nature while cars in a close by highway can be seen behind me, to a distance where anybody in those cars would see I’m nude! I’ve seen places where I could do it, but in the past five years my chicken nature hasn’t let me do it! LOL

Yours truly

Chicken Exhibitionist


Wild Sex & Women



The man is always in the mood for sex and have to find a willing woman; while the woman is most of the times not in the mood, so the man has to bring her up to that point.

When the woman is in the mood, then that’s when sex is wild. So a young woman with the instinct of mating will give wild sex; mostly because she is in the mood already and the man doesn’t have to wear up himself getting her to that point.

For a woman it takes time to get to the point of wanting sex as in penetration. It takes a lot of foreplay, sweet massage and sweet kissing, starting with her lips and her breasts, to slowly going to the more intimate part. If a man is in a hurry and go straight to the sexual parts, most of the times she can be turned off, and then it will take even longer to get her aroused. But if she wants sex, she will easily find willing men for her, and it’ll take very little for those men to be aroused and ready to penetrate her.

For a man things are a lot different. He usually can get aroused just at the sight of a naked woman. Just by seeing her naked in bed a man can become ready to penetrate her. It would take to strip naked for a woman to get a man ready for sex! But if a man wants sex, it’ll be difficult for him to find a woman willing to accept him quickly.

It’s no wonder there are so many problems with sex in people’s adult life. Nobody teaches these things to anybody; so when men want sex they tend to just go for it, thinking women must want sex the same way they men do; while women expect a patient and slow foreplay before anything can happen. The result then is that women consider men just brute sexual searchers, while men consider women frigid, ice cold creatures!

Most of the times when there is sex between men and women, it is because women are already aroused and wanting sex. When men are aroused and wanting sex, it can easily be considered afterwards by the woman as abuse, and even more, considered rape.

Men get ready for sex with very little, while women need a lot of foreplay to get there. The human instincts and physiology are different, plus the societal teachings that when a man wants sex it’s just natural, while when a woman wants sex she is a slut! Why is that?



Monster Inside



Growing a monster inside. Day after day in the last five years. Growing out of control. Knowing at some point it will attack.

The woman inside the man. A woman that wants to get out. A woman that will destroy everything the man has worked for his entire life. But even worst; destroy the people the man loves. Innocent people that has done nothing for this to happen. People that don’t even know.

Feeling desire to be naked. Feeling desire for sex with a man. Being an exhibitionist. Wanting to be nude in front of everyone. Desires to be a sexy woman dressing very provocative when living everyday life. Dreaming of being wanted by men when seen walking around.

I don’t know how this started. I do know I can trace feelings of being a woman from many years ago. On and off. Flashes of sensuality and reactions that shouldn’t be of a man as I was at that moment. But they are real and from so long ago.

The monster inside my head has been growing for years now. It’s been growing as other transsexuals have described in them before they decided to transition from man to woman. It seems I am in the same path they walked before. The information I find tells me I am a Transsexual Woman. It shows me a path that I suppose to go.

Logic describe different possible paths and procedures. Thoughts claim it’s ridiculous. While feelings cry why not. The man inside my head accept his destiny of dying before his body, while the woman inside swears she can take the body for the rest of its life and go. Thoughts complain it’s impossible to do, getting mad at logic that keeps describing the logical and sensible way how to make things happen either way the brain decide to go, so feelings befriend logic to support its claims and rights to be alive, keeping thoughts in a state of stress with possibilities, feelings, desires and love.

The monster in my head keeps growing, getting stronger and readier to destroy it all. The monster in my head it’s me, I know!