Archive | August 2016

Topless Parade

476   2016-08-29     75  04 Trips and Adventures                Topless Parade (1)


Yesterday was the Topless Parade here in Downtown Denver. They are celebrating the Women’s Equality Day and their right to go topless in public, and they celebrate and push to change the laws by…going topless in public!

Originally I wanted to participate (as I mentioned in the post Topless March) so to enjoy being topless in Downtown Denver in daylight, in a public place, in plain view! But finally decided not to, mostly because of all the problems at hand that couldn’t be fixed on time. My excessive weight; The body hair that should be shaved completely in all the body; My intentions to retrieve inside the brain and not be out anymore, and some other problems.

But I still wanted to go, now with a different intention. Since one of the problem is the safety issue (you never know if there will be violence of some sort), I decided to go with my friend and watch the parade as spectators, and see how it is; what do they do; how I would feel among them; and if there is any problem related to violence.

So we went and enjoyed the moment in Downtown watching all the happenings in this event. Slowly people started to congregate at the park, growing the number of participants in the event. But it took them an extra hour and a half to finally get a BIG number of participant and decide to start the parade. By then we were already leaving, so we didn’t walk with the group as intended originally.

That was OK though; I still had the chance to see how things go in an event like this, and how is the response of people around. It seems, at least here in Denver, people don’t care much about an event like this, and they are happy with just watch, take some pictures, and then leave. That is a good thing when you consider the safety aspect.

Now, since the weather was holding pretty nice, with a sunny day and the temperatures in the 80’s, it was possible not only to be topless, but also be able to enjoy the breeze and the sun in the body while participating in the event.

One thing that surprised me was that my wild thoughts were real! You see, for a moment I thought I would love to go completely naked, and covering just my cock with a C-string; in other words, leaving all the female features exposed while just hiding the male ones; this with the idea of trying to be seen as a genetic woman, at the same time of enjoying being completely naked in public. But I thought this would be just a wild thought that could never happen, yet there was a girl covering her body with only some electric tape, but still showing her whole body!


476   2016-08-29     75  04 Trips and Adventures                Topless Parade (2)


This made me think that maybe it is possible for me to do the same and be completely naked while just covering my cock, so it would be thought of it as a pussy, and people would see me as a woman rather than a Transsexual. Obviously to do something like that it would be necessary to have a nice body, so I would have to loose weight and shape my body, together with getting a nice, even tan all over…not an easy thing to do! Still, it gave me hopes in that next year I could participate if I prepare myself (and my body) for this event. That was a very important and pleasant surprise for me!

But it has its price! Being completely naked can be very pleasant for the woman; but then she would be surrounded by people with cameras, taking pictures and videos. That would require a good personality to stand there for a couple of hours, and a good attitude to smile and allow men to pose with you to get pictures of them with a naked girl. I think I can do that, but still it would require some preparation from my part to be able to do it right. I want the attention to feel better about myself, but by not being used to have that level of attention, right now I could be easily overwhelmed with the situation!

At the other hand, my brother was enjoying watching the girls and comparing breasts, while having thoughts of playing with them! I guess men are like that, and since my brother is a straight man who likes only women, being among the topless girls would have to be very arousing for him.


476   2016-08-29     75  04 Trips and Adventures                Topless Parade (3)


Maybe next year I will be in conditions to participate in this Parade. I certainly would love to be there among the crowd while being topless, or maybe even completely naked, covering my genitals with a C-string only. I know, I am a little of an exhibitionist, a little bit of a slut, and a little bit of an unsecured woman, but still, while trying to enjoy the moment and reassure myself, I would be participating in pushing the laws to be more open to women’s freedoms, which is always a good thing.  :)




Ugly Not

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Am I really a woman? For what I’ve seen with other Tgirls I had the opportunity to meet in the past, many (if not all of them) would be very happy to become a “complete” woman by the way of sex change surgery and the complexion of all the processes involved; or at least be able to live 24/7 as women while remaining Pre-Op.

Those I have met in the past were mostly between 50 and 60 years old, with just a few exceptions who were in their mid 30’s. But all of them seemed to have something in common…they didn’t pay much attention (or importance) to be attractive females! They did choose their clothes; some did use nice wigs; all of them used make up, and so on. But none of them were really “attractive”. Even more, they were clearly Tgirls and not at all beautiful women. In other words, anyone would know at first glance they were what society consider “men in women’s clothes”!

Now, it seems to me they were happy with being women in their minds and feelings, without paying much attention to what other people might think about them. They didn’t try to conform to society standards of what an attractive woman should look like, and not even what a woman at all should be.

That’s fine as long as they are happy with themselves…to a certain point. You see, if they clearly look like men in women clothes, yet they behave and feel as women, to everybody around they can easily be perceived as someone who lost it! What would be the difference with the guy who runs the streets trying to convince everybody the world is ending today and we all should repent for our sins! He truly believes the world is ending today and he is desperately trying to save as many souls as he can; but to us he is a man who lost it.

If these Tgirls are happy…that’s great! But I don’t want to be happy when everybody around is laughing at me, thinking I am just a crazy man! Call it pride?!

But there is more to it than just that. To be logic, what is really the difference between a man and a woman these days? Besides the obvious differences in physical body and how they feel and act in bed when having sex; and before that, how they behave in the process of mutual attraction. There is not much difference really.

Nowadays, contrary to what it used to be just 40 years ago, men and women dress very similar; jeans, T shirt and sneakers. They both usually don’t use make up, as more and more women don’t use make up in their daily errands (and more and more men do use it nowadays!); and the way they walk and talk has become very similar, rather than the marked difference taught (and mostly demanded) by society in the past. There are less and less differences these days. Only when the time comes to go out a Friday night for a drink is when women bring out their sexy dresses, high heels and make up, and they support their night’s out look with a sexy way of walking, seating, looking around flirting with their eyes, together with sometimes softening their voices.


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It is also in those occasions when guys take their grooming to the next level, add a nice cologne, and support the change with a looking attitude of someone who knows who he is and what he wants (even though inside they have no clue!).

Their instincts take over in the roles of mating. Men chasing and women flirting. Men go to get, while women attract to get. Nature at work!

It is in those moments when there are real differences between men and women; and obviously later on in the bedroom when they assume their sexual roles.

But the rest of the times, which is most of the times, they can work at the same jobs and do the same tasks, and even more important, society nowadays accepts that men and women look the same while in most of those situations. So what is the difference?

Furthermore, if we make a quick calculation and consider Friday and Saturday nights (prowling time! LOL), we can estimate an average of no more than 6 hours each day (6pm to midnight) which add to 12 hours a week. Then the enjoyment of a successful prowling time as bed time, we can consider another 6 hours a day on Saturday and Sunday mornings, which would add another 12 hours a week, totaling 24 hour every 7 days between night’s out for fun and the occasional success of the hunt.

So our quick calculation shows us that with a total of 168 hours in a week, 24 hours would be just a 14 percent time when a woman is truly different from a man! The other 86 percent of the time in a person’s life it can perfectly be no difference!!

If you consider that not only I am a car mechanic, but also that I love working on cars, you’ll see that I could spend that 86 percent of the time in a man’s body, looking as a man and being OK with it, and will only need to be a woman just a 14 percent of the time. But that 14 percent of the time it will be very important to be an attractive and desirable woman!! The rest of the time I wouldn’t like to be just an OK woman since I would be in no prowling and feeding (sex) mode. I could be a man!

This means, most of the time I don’t need to be a woman to be in accord with my feelings; and when I will really need to be a woman, because of the situations, I will need to be a beautiful and desirable one. Let’s face it; it’s easier to get laid when you are cute!!


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So why to be a woman just to be a woman? Why live everyday with the hassle of female clothes and make up and behavior when I will only need that a small percentage of the time?

This brings us back to the beginning of the post when I was mentioning those Tgirls who live 24/7 as women, yet they don’t look like a real one. They don’t meet the “requirements” for that 14 percent of the times, yet the other 86 percent they are no woman and no man. So what’s the point?!

Honestly, I would prefer to be a man all the times and be a pretension of a woman during that small amount of time, rather than being a pretension of a woman 24/7. If I was to be a beautiful woman then things would be different. I wouldn’t mind then to be a sexy female mechanic most of the times!!

So you see, for me there is no point in being a woman if it is not to be a beautiful and desirable one. If I am not going to be a beautiful woman, then I am not interested in being one in the physical plane; I could be just a man in the outside, and a woman in the inside (mind and feelings).

This brings me to the problem of having to know before hand what could be the result in my case if I was to be a woman in the physical plane at some point. Why even try to transition if I know the result will be like those Tgirls who feel as a woman inside, but are anything but a woman in the outside? It is not a simple task to transition; actually, it is a huge one; so why even bother?!

At the other hand, to become a woman full time I will have to “steal” the body from my brother who already have a formed life as a married and family man! This means, if I was to destroy his life to make mine, it can only be if the results will be good enough to be a beautiful woman, and not just an ugly pretension!

So I need to be very careful in deciding what it’s going to be, and decide to go for a transition only if I have a reasonable assurance that the result will be satisfactory enough, so to justify the destruction of my brother’s life…if there is any justification to destroy anyone’s life!!

Complicated situation for sure. But at least one thing is clear…as an ugly woman just to be a woman…NO!





474   2016-08-22   138  01 Psychology and Mind               Freedom (1)


In modern days marriage is quickly loosing any sense. Marriage implies many good things, but unfortunately the bad things seem to out weight any reason to be married these days.

In most instances there is one dominating the situations, who is looking for a “sidekick”, and there is the dominated, who is looking for protection.

The dominated one have to accept many things he/she doesn’t like, and that makes for a life that is opposed to what is promoted in modern society: Freedom

With all the publicity about being oneself, and the equal possibilities for men and women to lead an independent life, it is no wonder more and more people nowadays see marriage as a more limiting than fulfilling situation. What’s the point of having to “answer” to someone when we can be free to do whatever we want?

Not only in the material area, when is about to decide where to live, what to work on, what to do in the spare time, what hobbies to pursue, etc, but in the sexual and romantic area, when no longer would be necessary to accept the small details we might not like from the other. If a lover has “details” we don’t like, we just change the lover! No need to learn to adjust one to the other.

But in the downside there are the parts that will be lost when pursuing a life alone. There will be no one to turn to when at a moment of sadness, uncertainty, fear, etc. We live alone to protect our freedom, so we deal with our problems alone.


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For those with a strong personality and much energy, the arrangement of living alone seems to be perfect, as they become free to do whatever they want, without being affected by the lack of a partner or lover. The problem seem to be for the big majority of “normal” people who, while having a strong enough personality, still need someone to lean on when in those moments of sadness or uncertainty; and also needing someone’s help in the dealing with the material world that is society today. Most people don’t have lots of energy to confront the high and demanding world today, so teaming up with someone else becomes the only solution, even at the cost of loosing their personal freedom.

So at one hand is great to be free to pursue all the temptations the modern world offers, but at the other the baggage of loneliness and supported egoism that it can generate does weigh down many people who pursue this lifestyle; yet it is becoming more and more common.

At the end it is just a matter of personal preferences. My brother prefers the companionship of someone that will be there (supposedly) when the winter of life occasionally shows its cold days, even at the expense of self limitations. Me, I prefer the loneliness and self reliance that goes with the freedom of walking alone. I simply cannot adapt to someone else, and there are so many things I want to do, yet I do prefer to do them alone, rather than with the limitations of being with someone else.

As I said, just a matter of personal preferences.




Plan Changes

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In the previous post I Need Pictures I mentioned with my brother we have been talking and thinking, and that it could mean good news for me.

What happens is that, even though I made the decision to go back inside the brain and stay there for the rest of my life, so my brother could continue and finish his life as a man, as it was supposed to be, my brother do acknowledge not just my existence, but also my need to be and live physical life as well.

This means we have been talking about finding a compromise where we both can be in physical life, and we have been thinking in how that can be accomplished.

It is not easy because to do that he should be able to have his married life while I have my single life. It would imply he would have a “double life”, where some of the time he is a man living with his family, doing activities with them and participating in their lives, and at some other times he would simply “disappear” so I can take his body and be myself in physical life, doing my own activities.

We have talked about the pros and cons of he remaining married while sharing his body so we both can have our physical lives; and the pros and cons of he divorcing so he could live alone, making easier to be one or the other while using his body.

The main problem is how deep he’s got in his married life and the responsibilities he has and cannot just abandon. He must take care of his wife who is quickly getting blind, and that is a responsibility he cannot abandon; not at least as a responsible person. Plus there is the friendship created after so many years living together and all the things they have been through in all this time. He cares about her! It is not love as lovers, but love as friends and good roommates. And she would never understand if he tells her about me and my need of using her husband’s body to be in physical life! Everything would have to be a secret!


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The other problem is the body itself. As I’m sure you have noticed, a man’s body is very different from a woman’s body, so to be able to use it both of us the body would have to be Androgynous, or something between man and woman. Something that we can dress as either man or woman and pass as such. For my brother be able to pass in front of his family as the man they all know for more than 30 year, and for me to be able to pass as a woman that is attractive enough, since that is very important to me; I am not interested in being an ugly woman just to be a woman, but I will explain you the reason for that in the next post.

So you see the complications to make it possible for both of us to have our lives. So far we have been talking of the possibility and how it could be done. We haven’t reached any conclusion yet, but we keep thinking of different possibilities and their pros and cons. I guess we will have to make a decision at some point and live with the cons, so we can enjoy the pros of whatever option we took and whatever decision we made.

Hope we can find a solution to this problem soon enough; but at least there is hope for me!!




Why Photos of Me?

472   2016-08-15     31  03 Clothes and Accessories            Why Photos of Me (1)


In the previous post I mentioned I need pictures of me to use in this blog. I’ve been asked why I insist in using pictures of me, when there are so many pictures of naked women in the internet that I could use. And it was also insinuated that those naked women from the internet have a better look than me!

I know so very well!

Yes, there are so many pictures out there in the net of beautiful and sexy naked women, Transsexuals; Shemales, etc, that I could use. Probably I would even get more readers and subscribers to this blog if I used the pictures of those women since they are definitely more beautiful and sexy than me. Many men would rather look at those naked women than me naked!

But the problem, or at least the way I see things, is that this blog is about what’s in the mind of a woman trapped in a man’s body. It is about telling and sharing the feelings, dreams, plans, discouragement, and everything a Transsexual Woman feels and lives while in the process of trying to be in physical life, so the pictures that go with a post should help to reinforce what it’s been said in the post, and for that I believe it should be pictures of me rather than somebody else.

It is also about honesty. By showing pictures of me I’m showing you who I am and how I really look. I am not a young and beautiful woman. When I did have the chance to shave the body and adapt it to be me I looked more like a hybrid thing that wasn’t neither a man or a woman, but rather something in between…in the darkest side of possibilities! I am not what is considered attractive, but I show you who I am, so by using my own pictures I am being honest with you. The good thing for me is that there are so many ugly genetic women out there, and so many women that don’t take care of themselves to try to look attractive, that I don’t fall at the end of the scale, but maybe in the middle of it, so while not being a very attractive woman, at least I am not the ugliest! LOL


472   2016-08-15     31  03 Clothes and Accessories            Why Photos of Me (2)


So you see; by using my own pictures I’m being honest with you while showing you how this Transsexual Woman looks in reality, in physical life, in this life you live. If we happened to cross paths in a street you will see me as I look here (in those pictures with clothes of course), so you will know I am real.

I’m trying to be honest and I’m trying to show you that I do exist. I live in Denver, Colorado, USA. I am not a creation of someone to have a blog. In fact, if you read this blog and happen to visit Denver I encourage you to contact me and arrange a meet, so you will see the Transsexual Woman in that blog does really exist. It would be a reader of a blog meeting the writer (and that would be so cool for me!).

So that’s why I prefer to use pictures of me, and leave the use of pictures of someone else only when the content of a post does require it. To me, if I used pictures of more beautiful women here, it would be like if I showed you pictures of my car, but instead I showed you pictures of a Ferrari, because it’s a better looking car than mine! That wouldn’t be honest from my part when I am telling you things about me, don’t you think?