Archive | July 2016

Flashdance

467   2016-07-28   135  01 Psychology and Mind               Flashdance (1)

 

In 1983 when the film Flashdance came out my brother was 21 years old; a young man.

I remember he went to the theater to watch the movie, mostly because there was a beautiful girl doing the main character, and he felt attracted to girls (obviously).

Throughout the movie he started crying without knowing why, and it took him several years to understand a possible reason for that. The movie was about pursuing a dream and reaching it. He didn’t know what his dream was, but deep inside my brother knew there should be a dream and he should chase it down until achieving it, whatever it was.

It also stroke him deep inside how beautiful the main character was. Jennifer Beals was really a beautiful young girl, and the director knew how to obtain the best shots of her face. In every scene my brother was mesmerized with her beauty and grace. And then the dancing scenes, especially that one with the shower; for my brother it was the most erotic and sexy scene he had ever seen!

 

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Many years passed and he always remembered that movie, and always thought the reason why he liked it so much was because it was a story about a young person pursuing a dream until reaching it. It took my brother a good number of years to realize his dream was to be a writer. That movie reminded him of pursuing his own dream.

But only after many years more my brother realized the main reason he loved the movie was because it showed a young and beautiful girl being single, living in a warehouse, and enjoying her being a woman. He couldn’t understand what all that had to do with him.

Only a few years ago he discovered about my existence and so then he could understand why in his brain he admired, and even sort of felt envy of that beautiful girl and her lifestyle; it was me the one having those feelings! My brother could desire that girl, but I envied her! LOL. And it was me the one crying at the movie. It was like my own dream of being a beautiful girl in physical life. I felt like a teenage girl desiring her life!

 

467   2016-07-28   135  01 Psychology and Mind               Flashdance (3)

 

These days I rent a warehouse and try to pursue my dream of writing while spending time there, although the body I use is married and have another life of his own (my brother’s). I am a woman inside, but have no own body, so have to borrow my brother’s body to be in physical life, so I cannot enjoy being a woman and being single.

Still, those few coincidences were what made me think there was another reason why I liked this movie, besides the pursue and achieving of a personal dream.

I cannot achieve my dream of being a woman, but I can still reach my brother’s and mine dream of writing; and maybe just like Alex could make it happen in the script, maybe one day I too will be able to live my dream. In the meantime I remember the movie and enjoy the actress beauty as a reflection of my dream of being a woman, while my brother can have the desire of a man for her, as it used to be so many years ago.

Angel

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Lifebelt

466   2016-07-25   134  01 Psychology and Mind               Lifebelt (1)

 

I don’t understand. I feel like a child and I want my daddy to give me a hug. I feel so vulnerable now, so fragile! I need my daddy to hug me and protect me. But it never happened!

I remember walking the streets as a 14 years old kid, looking for something, searching everywhere for something I never knew what it was. I guess I must have been searching for love.

She came out of nowhere and I grabbed to her like if she was a lifebelt. I needed love, I needed my dad, I needed someone instead, and she came out of nowhere, so I grabbed to her.

So I became trapped! She sees me as a grown man and expect me to be her pillar. But I am a child inside, and I am a girl, I guess. Maybe that boy was a girl and she didn’t know it. Maybe she really was a girl but her family and society never gave her the chance to be, and instead incarcerated her in the thought of being a boy.

Maybe the permanent sadness comes from that. The always needed hug from a dad that was to busy to give it. I’ve been told the sadness shows in many of my pictures.

I remember the movie “Flasdance”. It got to me for some reason. I guess I never dared to accept that I wanted to be her. I was a boy! Then I was a man. Then I got married. Then I became a dad.

So instead of receiving the so much needed hug, I became the hugger for my child. I became a dad! But I am a different kind of dad with my child. I hug him; I love him; I am there for him always! Because I know what it means to have an absent dad.

But I still need a hug. I need that kind of protective hug. The one where I can rest on and feel safe. But I never had it from my dad, and my wife wants that kind of hugs too and expect me to give it to her. I can understand that since she is the woman and she sees me as the man. She doesn’t know I am a woman inside. She doesn’t know who I am.

What a mess!!

So for a boy who never knew he really was a she, a girl, and always longed for a dad’s protective hug, while dad was expecting that boy to be a man, the lifebelt that was marriage became a rock that only helped to sink even deeper that girl in a boy’s body.

What once seemed to be a lifebelt became chains in the deeper mind.

Angel

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The Woman Within

465   2016-07-21   133  01 Psychology and Mind               The Woman Within (1)

 

While in my “society” life there are so many problems to deal with at work, home, sex, dreams, etc. that at the moment of taking my clothes off and walking naked under the sun and the breeze, all society related things go away together with the clothes and I really can feel free and be part of nature as another creature of mother Earth.

Not only the problems related with striving in a society disappear, but also the doubts and dark feelings that are always conditioned by society rules and teachings loose their importance and effect in my mind. So a free spirit I become, to let the inner feelings come out in whatever form and intensity they might be and exist.

When walking naked in the open surrounded by nature I can feel the woman in me expressing herself without restriction, and that allows me to feel free and happy! No longer the need to pretend or adapt to what suppose to be or what is expected, but instead the true one exists, even if it is for a brief moment, while always scared of being caught daring to search for freedom.

So brief moments are, and intensity in the joy is the norm, until the time to go back to reality and society comes, and becomes a long wait to the next opportunity to travel to that parallel universe where true humans exist and can be.

I might not look like a beautiful and sexy woman; I might resemble more a hybrid thing of male and female in the darkest side of possibilities; but when being alone in nature, and naked to be part of it, I can feel happy inside and even feel sexy and attractive!

So the woman within becomes free to come out and enjoy physical life, while the man owning the body can feel free to let those inner feelings surface without society restrictions that only promote frustrations.

The true freedom of being a human creature! The opportunity to free up the woman within.

Angel

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Indian Grounds

464   2016-07-18     34  06 Fiction Stories                             Indian Grounds (1)

 

Seemed like several tents where in the distance; a Tipi closer than others. I could see the smoke of their fires. What tribe they might be?

The simple pleasure of my walk turned into curiosity; I wanted to go there; be there. Will they understand and accept someone like me among them? Only one way to know…just go there and see. If I have to run back, then they didn’t, LOL

I walked for about an hour to get there. When arrived to their site children where playing around. They stopped running and turned to me quietly. One of them run to a tent calling his mother. Several women came out of the different tents. They walked to me; they looked at me up and down; one of them smiled and said something in their language that I couldn’t understand. Another offered a hand in a gesture of invitation to be among them.

Later, men came back in their horses dragging a dead buffalo. Women immediately started to work cutting the meat and separating pieces to cook now, and the rest to dry out for future use. The men came to me and surrounded me. They talked in their language and laughed. Then they took my blouse away and left me standing naked in front of them. They looked at me up and down and talked and laughed more, to then start touching me, softly at first, and then groping me all at the same time. It felt good!

After a moment they stopped and started crying a word I didn’t know what it meant. An older woman came to me with a woman’s dress and gave it to me. I put it on, and two other women came to fix my hair with feathers. The older woman took my hand and guided me to her Tipi. I had a home, and living in an accepting group!

Now I collect pieces of firewood; help with the crops; cook and help those who are sick or wounded; and there is a man who look at me all the time! When he does, I look away and smile; I like him! Don’t wait for my return…I guess I’ll stay here for a very long time!!

This message is been sent by Fax from their communication center in Tipi #4, LOL

Angel

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Sex Test

463   2016-07-14   132  01 Psychology and Mind                Sex Test (1)

 

As I mentioned in the previous post, we are classified as men or women at the moment of birth based solely in the type of genitals we have, and from then on, and for the rest of our lives (that are just beginning at that moment) we are expected to behave according to the classification given, which remains supported for life by the genitals we have. But society shows that such classification system fails over and over again, as more and more we see people who feel their sexual preferences are not necessarily in accord with the type of genitals they have. So the need to create a re-classification system for our society.

How difficult can that be to do? Not much really.

Just imagine; what if at the end of High School kids have the option of requesting a Genre Re-Classification Procedure? They already have to take many tests in order to approve and finish High School, and to get a diploma certifying they successfully completed the High School program.

Anyone who feel they are in the wrong body, or even feeling they are in the right body, but feel attracted to those of their same sex, should have the possibility to request an Optional Genre Re-Classification Procedure. In this procedure they write an essay explaining why they feel they are a Transsexual Man; Transsexual Woman; Gay; Lesbian, etc. They include any relevant information that will support their claims, and present this essay together with letters of people who support them in their claims, like parents, teachers, priests, family, friends, etc. anyone who can support their claims of having feelings different from their birth sexual organs.

Then they have an interview with a Commission who will review the documentation presented and make questions to better understand the feelings of the student. At this point the students will have the possibility to explain who he/she feels really is and why. This Commission can be assembled with psychologists and teachers of the same school, and who are certified in these kind of procedures. Then the Commission will make a decision and “certify” the student as straight; Gay; Lesbian; Transsexual Woman; Transsexual Man, etc.

 

463   2016-07-14   132  01 Psychology and Mind                Sex Test (2)

 

With this certification, just like a High School certification will allow the student to apply for a job, the student would be able to apply at the Driving Records for a change in his/her status. Right now a Driver License say only: “Sex: M” or “Sex: F”, but with these changes in the system now the Driver License could also say Gay (G); Lesbian (L); Transsexual Man (TM); Transsexual Woman (TW), etc. This will allow the kid to be himself/herself in public and be supported in his/her ways by the system, now even on writing in the Driver License. Just imagine, a Transsexual Girl (a boy who really is a girl) could dress as a girl anywhere and feel better about herself; and if she is stopped by police for whatever reason when driving, she won’t have problems because the way she is dressing. Today she would be considered a boy wearing girl clothes, and that could be big trouble!

But even more; if a kid decides to pursue Sex Change Surgery, this certification will allow him/her to save many years of psychologist interviews and go straight to a no more than one year psychologist interviews before the actual surgery can begin.

Also, with a legal certification of this kind, it should be possible to “force” medical insurance companies to cover the medical expenses of hormones and surgery as a need for mind health. No longer it would be a “personal” thing, but it’ll become a “legal” thing.

Now, as I said, this Procedure would be entirely optional, so only those who feel they are in the wrong body, or that have feelings and desires different of what would be expected from their genitals, would have the possibility to change their self classification. Those who feel fine in the body they have would not be required to take this Procedure at any time.

This Procedure, in theory, would also allow to “rectify” the feelings of a kid who is confused about his/her sexuality, rather than being someone wrongly classified at birth. The commission then could suggest psychological help to those who, in the commission’s eyes, are not truly classified wrong. That would be, let’s say, a boy who thinks he is a girl, but really it is more of a misunderstanding on his part, or an external situation that made the boy think wrong about his own identity.

 

463   2016-07-14   132  01 Psychology and Mind                Sex Test (3)

 

If a Genre Re-Classification Procedure like this was implemented at the end of High School, we would have a lot more happy people with who they are and how they interact with society, rather than having this “double side” of people, as it is right now. Also, by making it a regular procedure in normal youth life development, more people would start to accept that we are not necessarily what our genitals are, and would see others for who they say they are, rather than what they have hiding under their pants and skirts.

But further more, this Procedure should also be available at a later time in a person’s life, maybe through organizations who actually exists, as those that now help the LGBT community. This will allow to people who later in life discover their true feelings, and those who might have taken the Procedure before, but weren’t clear enough at that time to be certified. It would be like a second chance; or third; or fourth.

The whole idea is to allow people to be “legally” considered and accepted in society by their feelings and mind, rather than being classified by their genitals. Like this thing happening right now with women complaining about Transsexual Women using the women’s public bathrooms. These women still consider a Transsexual Woman just a man in women’s clothes, and that is because they still classify others by their genitals instead of their thoughts and feelings. If there was an Optional Genre Re-Classification Procedure that allows people to legally correct who they really are, they would have legal documents (like a Driver’s License) to support their claims; and by being this a Legal procedure people would start to believe more the veracity of a Transsexual claims.

As a society we have so many advances in technology, science, art, etc, yet we still keep classifying ourselves with an archaic system that dates from the dawn of man! The time has come to make changes to this; and we really need it to safeguard the right people should have of to be themselves. We have so many rights in many situations that protect us, but we still have to live with the involuntary mistake done to some of us at birth!

We really need to implement as soon as possible an Optional Genre Re-Classification Procedure in High Schools, when the kids have had enough time to discover themselves; and also have this Procedure available in those organization helping the LGBT community, for people who discover later in life who they really are.

Wouldn’t you agree?

Angel

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