Archive | June 2015

Cock Love Making

349   2015-06-28    39  05 Dates and Encounters               Cock Love Making


I can’t deny that I love to suck my lover’s cock. The pleasure I get when playing with it is definitely very special and arousing! This doesn’t mean I love to suck anyone’s cock. I don’t. Instead, and due to its nature of self surrender and servitude, I see it as a way to show love and faithfulness to the man I am with, making it a personal activity to be done just between us and nobody else.

And by having it done several times together with my lover, at some point we decided we wanted to have a video recording for us, to enjoy watching it on our computers whenever we might decide to do that. The video we made was recorded by my lover while I was dedicated to give him pleasure, at the same time that I was receiving pleasure on my own,

It might seem strange (to say the least) for some people that I publish for public view a video where I am completely naked, in my knees, dedicated to give pleasure to a man, like if I was a sex slave to him! The reason to publish the video is that, together with being a woman inside, I am a Tgirl or Transsexual Woman in the process of her self-feminization, so I also have the parallel intention with this blog of telling what it is to be a Transsexual Woman, and what it is to be slowly transitioning from man to woman, and so this video can show at what point I am in this process, and how female or woman I can be when having sex with a man, despite what kind of genitals I might have.

The video shows someone born as a man, who feels inside as a woman, so has been slowly transforming in the outside her male body to better resemble a woman, rather than a man. In other words, trying to show in the outside body what is inside her mind.

I hope you watch the video with the eyes of someone who wants to know what a Transsexual Woman is, and to learn a little more about their minds, as it is my intention to show by publishing this video.




Female Face

348   2015-06-17    78  02 Physical Changes                       Female Face (1)


To become a woman in every aspect has proved to be so difficult!! It is not just about putting on women’s clothes, make up, softening the voice and using soft and female movements, as it might seem, or at least as it is done by most Crossdressers.

Everything seems to be so different between men and women when you try to switch from one to another! Most people don’t have to worry about this, but in my case, being a Two Spirit person, and being me the woman in this duality, I need more than want, to be able to look as a woman when I am in public in physical life.

There are so many aspects to work in, like the voice, the body shape, the manners, and obviously also the face. There is also the way the mind works; the different perception of the surroundings a woman has compared with a man, and the thinking processes it creates and implies, which makes a woman like, want and be in a completely different way a man is (shopping for tools or shopping for clothes!!), but that is a subject for its own post.

When working in the face, so far I’ve been doing laser hair removal to get rid of all the beard, and with it, the darkening of the face by it. As you know, men have a darker face due to the beard, even if they are very well shaved. In my case, my brother’s face used to be very dark because of his beard, but with the laser treatments it is getting, very slowly, lighter in color, and more female-like.


348   2015-06-17    78  02 Physical Changes                       Female Face (2)


Still, even though the face is getting lighter in color, and also reducing the size of the eye brows, I just can’t get the female look of the face!! Sometimes, just by pure luck, for a brief moment I can get a female like face. But most of the times my face (when being me) doesn’t look as a woman’s face!!

It is like my brother’s face (a man’s face) keep showing up when I try to be myself, and I just can’t understand where the difference is, so to be able to switch from one to the other as it is needed.

When I see pictures like the ones in this post, I don’t see a woman but just a man with long hair! Doesn’t matter what my lover might say, to me my face is still not a woman’s face! To me, with the way my face shows, I wouldn’t be able to pass as a woman if walking a street surrounded by people.

So the need to do the minute changes that are required to transform a man’s face into a woman’s face; but those minute changes just escape me, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t understand where the difference is!

And the problem becomes even harder because for me the face has to look female without using make up, but just a wig and nothing else. No earrings, no necklace, no make up, and not even a humectant cream in the face!


348   2015-06-17    78  02 Physical Changes                       Female Face (3)


The reason for being so strict in my requirements to have a female face is that most women don’t wear anything most of the times. When they are doing things like grocery shopping or exercising at a park, most of them don’t use anything in their faces, and yet everybody will know they are women when they look at their faces.

To me the key is to be able to get a woman’s face while having nothing in my face, and only wearing a wig (since I cannot grow my hair long enough). That way, if I add the other elements like make up, earrings and a necklace, my face will go from female to an attractive female, which is the way it supposes to be.

Just like the body suppose to look female while naked, so from there anything female I wear will only enhance my female body, and I would be able to dress simple things and in single layers because I would not need clothes to create the female look, the face should be female by itself, so anything used would be just an add on to make it look better.

So I keep looking at the pictures and trying to find what the key is to change a man’s face with long hair, to a woman’s face without make up and accessories.

Maybe someday I’ll find what the key is, but for now it just about keep trying, with the hopes that in the future I’ll know what I’m searching for.





347   2015-06-15    86  01 Psychology and Mind                 Motorhome


The more time I spend in my little motorhome parked inside the warehouse, the more I love it!

It just seems so peaceful and comfortable to be there. It provides me with all the basic elements needed, like a very comfortable bed to lay down when I am so tired; a nice boot table to work in my computer, and a small kitchen with all the basics to have something to drink and eat, and when the body requires it, the foldable bathroom is there to be used.

My little motorhome also has been witness of my works in feminization, and so many times with my lover having wild sex in bed, which makes it even more important for me! And I just dream of the days when I’ll have the time available to go places and enjoy nature, all while taking with me the comforts of a house by going in this very special vehicle!

The only problem I have right now is that, since the warehouse doesn’t have running water and sewer, I have to rely in the water tanks in the motorhome to have those two so important elements, which forces me to drive the motorhome from time to time to go empty the retention tanks and refill the fresh water one.

I hope one day I will have my own warehouse, bigger and more complete, so I can create a sort of RV Park connection system inside, and my motorhome will have unlimited running water and sewer. Then, for as long as I need to keep the motorhome inside the warehouse, it will be even more comfortable than it is now, just like being in a regular, typical house.




New Hopes

346   2015-06-12    77  02 Physical Changes                       New Hopes (1)


Life is such an adventure!! When you think everything is settled one way, things can change and give you a different place in life and perceptions.

For a long time I couldn’t be penetrated in my ass, no matter what I tried; but finally sometime ago, my lover could penetrate me, showing me I too could experience what is to have a man inside. After a successful second time a couple of days ago, I have no doubts now it wasn’t an accident, but something that can be completely reproduced at will if certain steps are followed.

That completely changed my personal perspective of what I can do and how I can be when related to be penetrated for sex, getting me closer with this to be a woman in the outside as I feel inside.

But it also changed my perspective on what my shape could be!! Together with getting very good results with the laser treatments, now I can think that maybe it could be possible after all to have a more female look in my body by having a more proportional shoulders-hips female shape.

As you know, a man has wider shoulders than hips, while usually a woman has wider hips than shoulders, so when dressing as a woman while having a male body, one of the things that quickly betray you is your shoulders-hips proportion. That’s why so many Tgirls and Crossdressers use hip pads under their clothes, so to adjust the proportions.

The problem is that, one, it is uncomfortable to wear pads under the clothes (at least for me), and two, when naked there is no advantages in pads because simply they cannot be worn, and I want to have the female proportions starting from when completely naked!!


346   2015-06-12    77  02 Physical Changes                       New Hopes (2)


For a long time I thought there was nothing that could be done to fix that problem, just like I thought I could never be penetrated in my ass; but now that finally I can be penetrated, and while on that I could discover one of the causes was my own body reactions, which I can learn to control, facilitating with it the penetration, now I can think due to that that I could change my shoulders-hips proportions; maybe not to a completely female proportions, but at least to the point where my shoulder width could be the same as my hips width.

That not only could allow for a more female look when naked, but also would make easier the switching from man to woman and vice versa. Then it’ll be a matter of choosing specific designs in clothes to enhance a more male or female look depending on what is intended, making easier for my brother and me to use the body by turns with a quick and easy change.

For now my shoulders are wider than my hips, but if I can change that to the same width, I would be really happy!! You see, I am not much interested in getting wider hips than shoulders because if I have same width in both, the body would become naturally male/female proportions, making the switching from one to the other a more natural thing.

Now, how do I make my hips wider? (Since I cannot reduce the width of my shoulders!!). Most probably that would have to be between specific butt exercises and female hormones, for which I would have to talk to a specialized doctor in the field.

Maybe what the doctor will tell me will not be what I want to hear, but for the moment I can’t think of any other way to achieve those results, so I have to try going that way. And even if the answers are not what I am looking for, still, I feel very optimistic about what I could achieve in the long run!!

I’ll keep you posted on what I learn.




Happy Time!!

345   2015-06-10    60  04 Trips and Adventures                Happy Time!!


I can’t deny for me this situation is a happy time!! Since finally I was penetrated in my ass by my lover, maybe because of the aid of whipped cream, that moment became a happy time.

So far we have had only one more opportunity after that first time to try it again, and it again was a success too, LOL. That second time (just a couple of days ago) my lover was able to fuck me harder than the first, although he still remained worried all the time trying not to hurt me (he is so sweet!!).

For me it still feels a little “weird” and without specific pleasure sensing; but this second time I discovered that basically I have to fight my own instincts of “closing” my hole when he tried to enter me. I guess a natural instinct (or reflex) of the body self-protection system. If I learn to control that instinct and relax faster, I know my hole will open more, and with enough lube, his cock will be able to slide in and out easily, making everything more pleasant for both of us!

So I keep learning how to be in the outside the woman I am inside, and this specific part (being able to be penetrated) has become an important step in the process!! It has become the possibility of having another kind of “Happy Time” with my lover!!