To become a woman in every aspect has proved to be so difficult!! It is not just about putting on women’s clothes, make up, softening the voice and using soft and female movements, as it might seem, or at least as it is done by most Crossdressers.
Everything seems to be so different between men and women when you try to switch from one to another! Most people don’t have to worry about this, but in my case, being a Two Spirit person, and being me the woman in this duality, I need more than want, to be able to look as a woman when I am in public in physical life.
There are so many aspects to work in, like the voice, the body shape, the manners, and obviously also the face. There is also the way the mind works; the different perception of the surroundings a woman has compared with a man, and the thinking processes it creates and implies, which makes a woman like, want and be in a completely different way a man is (shopping for tools or shopping for clothes!!), but that is a subject for its own post.
When working in the face, so far I’ve been doing laser hair removal to get rid of all the beard, and with it, the darkening of the face by it. As you know, men have a darker face due to the beard, even if they are very well shaved. In my case, my brother’s face used to be very dark because of his beard, but with the laser treatments it is getting, very slowly, lighter in color, and more female-like.
Still, even though the face is getting lighter in color, and also reducing the size of the eye brows, I just can’t get the female look of the face!! Sometimes, just by pure luck, for a brief moment I can get a female like face. But most of the times my face (when being me) doesn’t look as a woman’s face!!
It is like my brother’s face (a man’s face) keep showing up when I try to be myself, and I just can’t understand where the difference is, so to be able to switch from one to the other as it is needed.
When I see pictures like the ones in this post, I don’t see a woman but just a man with long hair! Doesn’t matter what my lover might say, to me my face is still not a woman’s face! To me, with the way my face shows, I wouldn’t be able to pass as a woman if walking a street surrounded by people.
So the need to do the minute changes that are required to transform a man’s face into a woman’s face; but those minute changes just escape me, and no matter how hard I try, I just can’t understand where the difference is!
And the problem becomes even harder because for me the face has to look female without using make up, but just a wig and nothing else. No earrings, no necklace, no make up, and not even a humectant cream in the face!
The reason for being so strict in my requirements to have a female face is that most women don’t wear anything most of the times. When they are doing things like grocery shopping or exercising at a park, most of them don’t use anything in their faces, and yet everybody will know they are women when they look at their faces.
To me the key is to be able to get a woman’s face while having nothing in my face, and only wearing a wig (since I cannot grow my hair long enough). That way, if I add the other elements like make up, earrings and a necklace, my face will go from female to an attractive female, which is the way it supposes to be.
Just like the body suppose to look female while naked, so from there anything female I wear will only enhance my female body, and I would be able to dress simple things and in single layers because I would not need clothes to create the female look, the face should be female by itself, so anything used would be just an add on to make it look better.
So I keep looking at the pictures and trying to find what the key is to change a man’s face with long hair, to a woman’s face without make up and accessories.
Maybe someday I’ll find what the key is, but for now it just about keep trying, with the hopes that in the future I’ll know what I’m searching for.