Archive | May 2015

Female Breast

340   2015-05-29    75  02 Physical Changes                       Female Breasts (1)


Usually I write a post for this blog first, and then look for some pictures that might fit what I am saying in the post. Many times I cannot find pictures that would really fit the post, so I go with whatever seems to be closer to the content; while some other times, by not finding anything I could really use, I then just go with whatever might be of the liking of my readers, meaning by that, nudity pictures. LOL

But some other times I go the other way around and just take a picture, or a group of pictures, and write a post related to the images. This is a case like that.

When looking at these pictures I couldn’t believe the size of my breasts!! It seems like I have normal size female breasts, which is not true. At least with the size I have I cannot use a dress and have the protruding breasts that are so much part of a female body.


340   2015-05-29    75  02 Physical Changes                       Female Breasts (2)


They actually look and feel very small, and to prove it to myself, they can be so easily concealed with a loose T shirt!

Yet in these pictures they look like if they were the size a female body would have!!

To be honest, I don’t know if it is a problem with the camera settings and the pictures are showing something that is not real, or I, from the perspective I have, cannot see their real size, and thus believe they are very small.

The thing is, in these pictures they look really big, and that gives me so much pleasure!! They really look like female breasts, and when I see these pictures I tend to think and wish I could really look like that in real life!!




Unfortunately I must accept that it is better for my brother that my breasts are small, so he can still use the body when he needs it (most of the time), and me be just happy with being a woman with very small breasts, while dreaming and enjoying these pictures that defy reality, but still gives me the pleasure of something I want but don’t have.

At the other hand, fortunately for me my lover likes my breasts the size they are, and even likes to give me some hickies to have, as you can see in the third picture, LOL. So even though they are not the size I want, I still get lots of enjoyment from them when my lover plays with my little breasts.




Maybe Not

339   2015-05-27    74  02 Physical Changes                       Maybe Not (1)


It seems even though my brother have the intention to give me his body permanently, and he retreat to the back of the brain to enjoy ethereal life from now on, it will not be possible because he seems to be, finally, harvesting the benefits of having given a big part of his life to his family. It was a lot of sacrifices from him, and a lot of tears in his case, but now she seems to understand what he has done for her and their son, so she seems to be nicer to him now, even though it is still in the “roommates” condition.

For many years my brother had the idea that giving time was a bigger way of showing love, compared to giving money. He thought that giving time was giving part of himself, part of his own life, rather than giving part of his possessions, as it is giving money.

For many years my brother’s wife didn’t understand what he was doing, and thought he didn’t really love her because he wasn’t bringing more money, but instead he was present all the time.

Now, after more than 30 years married, she seems to finally understand what he was doing, and realize all the love he was giving her! So she has changed her attitude to a more caring and nicer, although it seems the physical part of their relationship is destroyed and gone forever, so they are now like roommates with no physical contact.

Because for so many years she was mean to him, making his life very difficult and stressing, and even though now she has a different attitude, my brother has become tired of dealing with people and life itself, to the point of wanting to retrieve to ethereal life living inside our brain and dedicated to observe only instead of participating, leaving the body (his body) available to me, for me to use more permanently, so I can experience life by being “alive”, rather than just observing while in ethereal life from inside our brain.

In other words, we switch places!!


339   2015-05-27    74  02 Physical Changes                       Maybe Not (2)


That would mean he divorces his wife and go to live somewhere else, so he would be alone, which would allow me to take permanent possession of his body and start living 24/7 as a woman.

But now, with his wife’s new attitude, it seems to my brother he could be finally harvesting the products of so many years of giving his love, which makes it kind of stupid to leave now, when he could start enjoying the benefits of all his hard work throughout the years!

And I agree, even though it’ll be to my own demise!!

With this, the problem is that, even though my brother has the desire to give me his body for my permanent use, he shouldn’t do that now, so in his mind he keeps debating if to divorce and retrieve to inside the brain or not; while I do want to get the body permanently, yet I know I shouldn’t, because that would be denying to my brother to collect the benefits of an entire life of sacrifices!

So it seems my brother will not divorce, and I will not get the body permanently, even though at some point it seemed I would!! Instead it most probably will be for me to use the body sporadically, like it has been so far, with only some arrangements that will allow me to use it a little more often compared with what it has been so far.

I guess for me it will be about becoming more efficient, so to have the best possible use of the body when I get the chance to use it, and simply forget about that possibility that was around a little ago, about receiving the body for my permanent use. That will give me happiness for my brother, but it is sad for me!!





338   2015-05-25    84  01 Psychology and Mind                 Encouragement (1)


A couple of days ago my lover and I went to The Black Crown here in Denver.

The Black Crown really was its old name since now it is called The Crown Social, I don’t know why; but still it is a sort of piano bar, with lots of decoration using all kinds of chairs, couches, tables and lamps that you can imagine. It also has several areas and levels where you can be seating and chatting while having a glass of wine, and even something to eat. Then in front they have a patio, together with a second patio inside.

We seated outside in the front of the place, by the side of a small water fountain that was giving a beautiful sound of running water. We had a glass of wine and talked for a while, until we run out of time and had to go back to our separated lives.

While in there, at some point a guy, probably in his fifties, came in and passed by our side in his way to inside the place. As he was walking he was looking at me and said out loud that I was a beautiful woman, at the same time of making a gesture of sending a kiss to me in the air.

It took me by surprise why the guy was saying that, while quickly thinking inside that he didn’t think I was a woman, but rather he knew I was a Tgirl (a woman in a male body), otherwise he wouldn’t be saying that since it is not common to say to a woman in a couple seating together somewhere that she is a beautiful woman, or you could get a beating from the man seating with the woman!! LOL


338   2015-05-25    84  01 Psychology and Mind                 Encouragement (2)


So I knew he knew I was a Tgirl, and he found me beautiful as a woman while knowing I was not a “real” one, which made me feel discouraged about my look as a woman, since I want to look and pass as a real woman, not a beautiful “like-woman” Tgirl!!

But at the other hand we were at The Crown Social, which is a place that cater transsexuals and gay and lesbian people, so that man did have a clue by the place we were at that I was a Tgirl and not a real woman, giving me the hopes that maybe if we were at another place, maybe I would pass as a woman after all!!

I can’t deny that also it crossed my mind that maybe my lover asked a man to go by and say that, so to give me encouragement about my look as a woman, and even though I still have that thought in my mind, I try to discard it as like saying “Naaaah”, LOL

The thing is, it still gave me encouragement about my look as a woman. I don’t feel I got it completely just because of that little “incident”, but at least it makes me feel that I am making progress in my attempts, which definitely encourage me to keep going, all the way until I get it completely!!




Special Picture

337   2015-05-22    83  01 Psychology and Mind                 Special Picture


There is something special about this picture!! Please do this; with your hand, cover the body from the navel down and take a look at the body. What do you see? A woman, right?

Now, with your hand, cover the body from the navel up, leaving the bottom part of the body visible. What do you see? A man, right?

So you see, this picture clearly shows I am both sexes in one body!! And the general pose and face expression shows someone day-dreaming about something, while being lost in her thoughts, at the time of walking naked in nature, which to me reflects a pure human being, desiring for something!!

You know what I am desiring of; I’ve told you in this blog throughout the posts.

So to me this picture shows so many things about me; about who I am and what my life revolves about, making it a very special picture for me!!




Book Face

336   2015-05-20    32  07 All Others                                   Book Face


Lately I’ve been very motivated to start publishing in Amazon with the intention of selling short stories and books, to try to make some money.

I can’t deny the dream of becoming an author, and somehow copy (and make it for real) the concept of the movies Emmanuel, from the 70’s.

If you haven’t seen those movies; they were a series of eight or nine movies were Emmanuel was a woman author of erotic books, and she had all kind of erotic adventures that were the material she used to write her books, yet no matter with how many men she got involved, she always remained in love with one specific man; one that made her life impossible, yet for some reason she loved him and always thought of him, always coming back to him.

Now, I don’t want to do the whole thing, but I would love to be a woman author of books (erotic and not), and be able to live out of my writing. And the reason of associating myself with the image of Emmanuel is that I do write sort of erotic things in this blog.

But there is something else. I feel like it’ll be important to present my “case” to public view, where people can see what is what happen in the mind of a woman who is living in a man’s body (male body), and all the struggles a Tgirl has to go through to be herself in this society.

So when I saw the picture above in my folders, I immediately remembered the books thing, and imagined that picture could be a good one for the cover of a book!!

Now it is about checking the posts I’ve already written, and putting them together as a book, so people can read it and learn what it is to be a Tgirl; all I need is to just find the time to do it!!