Although I know I started this blog to sort of keep a log of my physical transformation from man to woman, and to have a place to explain what those changes do to my mind, changing my way of thinking, of perceiving the world around with changing eyes and body, sometimes I still wonder why do I feel the need to keep posting.
For a long time I thought it was a way to get reinforcement in that I am a woman and not a man, but since this blog is just a one way talk, that reinforcement doesn’t occur here, so there must be another reason.
And I think I found the reason; it is a way to vent my thoughts and feelings in a world that doesn’t allow me to do that!
Let me explain.
I have to live as a man because that’s the way things are, and I cannot tell those around me that this male body is really a woman in the wrong body, so all my woman’s life have to be kept a secret and done in hiding.
But I have this blog in the internet, so I can scream to the whole world that I am a woman, that I want to feel attractive as a woman, and that I prefer sex with a man!
So together with posting my thoughts, my dreams and my projects, I also post my pictures naked, showing myself to the world as the woman I feel I am, trying to be sexy and attractive as a woman, so to have a way to tell the world what I cannot tell my loved ones!!
I know my blog is not watched by the whole world, but it is in the internet, so technically is available for anyone who might want to see it, so the whole world could watch it, which makes so ridiculous that the whole world may know a secret that just two people don’t!!
And I say two people because they are the ones who really count for me. All the others, like the rest of the family, co-workers, neighbors and friends, I don’t really care what they might think of me if I come out of the closet to tell who I am.
Some time ago I was worried about more people’s opinion and reactions to me if I told them the truth, but now is just two, so I guess is a matter of time to reach the point where I will feel strong enough to tell them.
In the meantime I have to keep it a secret, so I have this blog to tell the world who I am, giving me a way to vent. At the same time that I hope this blog might be of some help to those in a situation similar to mine, so they can compare their feelings and doubts with mine to help them learn more about themselves, together with knowing they are not alone in the world!