Yesterday I went to a meeting of GIC (Gender Identity Center) at 7pm. I didn’t know, but it was a transition group in a sort of therapy meeting; but they accepted anyone who wanted to be there.
At the moment of arriving we were asked to write down in a sort of assistance list our names, and a topic we wanted to be addressed during the meet. I used my real name as a man and didn’t write any topic; I just wanted to observe and learn.
It was a group of nine people (including me) and three therapists, and only two of us were dressing as men; all the others were dressing as women. I didn’t say much, but mostly spent the time listening and observing: How they talk; their voices; their look; what they were wearing; their gestures, etc. I learned a lot in two hours between images and words.
For instance, I learned that most of the people there except for one were young, in their 20’s to 30’s; They dressed very simple, street like, mostly with tight jeans, a sweater and closed low heel shoes. Their make up was very basic, so they weren’t really passable, and they used their male voices.
It surprised me when they were talking about other people’s reaction when seeing them and interacting with them. They mentioned the difficulties of other to understand and accept they were transsexuals, but they didn’t look and have a female voice.
I thought it was necessary to create a very good impression of a woman in order to be accepted as such, so when seeing and hearing them I wasn’t surprised they had problems with other people. It took me a while to realize I was thinking in terms of men and women with nothing in between, while they identify themselves as a third gender, which would be a gender in between. I realized I was holding old concepts!
It also made me think of who I really am and where I want to be. According to the COGIATI test I am an Androgynous, which means I am part woman and part man, and I can move between the two, but it is not recommended I do a transition to become a woman. Obviously I cannot make a transition because I’m married and have children, and in fact one of the person assisting to the meeting wanted to address the problem of coming out to his wife, and how not only their marriage was destroyed, but even the friendship was very unlikely to survive. I know the same would happen if I go transition, and since I don’t want to hurt her, I just cannot do it, but I think I will if I was single and without children.
You see, my male part is attracted to women, by my male parts don’t work anymore, so what would be the point of trying to get in bed with a woman! At the other hand, if I had a pussy instead of a cock, I could go to bed with a man and have something for him; plus, I would be able to dress and live as a woman, which is something that is attracting me more and more!
But I still have the concept that I should look like a real woman and be completely passable, which makes things more difficult for me; I can’t accept just reaching a point in between; I feel I have to go all the way from man to woman! So I guess that could be a good topic to mention.
Next Tuesday they have another meeting, so I’m planning to go dressed as a woman then, and write down a topic to discuss, but I have to think very well how to present it, and how will I respond to any questions they may have. It’ll be a challenge for me, but I saw very good disposition in everyone there, including the three therapists (2 TS and one girl just graduated), so I think it’ll be a good step for me in gaining confidence and being a woman in a situation other than in front of a mirror.
I’ll let you know how the next meeting went.