In the previous post I mentioned my increasing desire to go for sex change surgery, as a way to complete the physical transformation already started by my brain, and to better reflect my inner desires in my mind. Sort of give myself the chance to be 100% woman so to have the opportunity, even if it is in last stage of my life, to live in the way I suppose to be born to live.
But sex change surgery would be just the beginning of the physical changes, and it should be complemented with other “minor” changes like the use of Estrogen to aid the whole body to change into a more female form, such as wider hips, bigger breast, and less body hair.
Still, the use of Estrogen would never be enough, and it might be necessary to go for silicone implants for my breasts, so to get them a more appropriate shape, and tattoos in the form of Areolas around the Nipples to give them a more natural look; also the use of laser procedures to completely eradicate the body hair (which in my case is a lot!), and also go for hair implants in my head, so to avoid having to use a wig.
Obviously, all those are physical aids to the physical changes in the body created by the brain, and they will be of little use if they are not supported with mind work to train the brain in automatic responses. In other words, I have to train my brain to control my body in female forms when walking, talking, gesticulating, and even my vocal cords to give a more female-like voice.
Now, the first opposition someone can find in materializing those changes is the body itself since it is a male body. There is the Adam’s apple, which helps create the male voice, and that doesn’t disappear with sex change surgery. Also the newly created vagina will never work the same way a female vagina does; and the breasts, even though they can grow with the aid of Estrogen, they will never have a real nipple and the natural sensitivity a female breast has; and so on.
So it means a lot can be done physically (with a huge cost in money!), and also a lot can be accomplished with mind training and physical practice (taking a lot of time to complete), yet it will never be possible to achieve a 100% result because there will always be the limitation of doing all the changes to a physical male body.
The good thing is that most of the times what matters the most is how motivated a person can be, and the amount of work that person puts into it. For example, a Paralympics athlete can do more in the physical plane than a person with complete mobility that has no desire for physical training (putting all of us to shame!).
Now, the main two reasons I’m not decided to go for sex change surgery are:
The extremely high cost and long time it takes to complete the whole process, specially considering that right now I am 51 years old, and most probably (if I was able to put the necessary money together within the next five years) I would be reaching the end of transformation when being around 60 years old, forcing me to question why bother, specially if by chance I happen to live no longer than 70, giving me just 10 years as a woman, and in a physical condition and energy levels that will not allow to enjoy much the pleasures of finally having sex in the right role.
And the other is that, after living my first 50 years as a man, I already created a family and had a child, which I don’t want to hurt with news like “Surprise! Dad now is going to be a second Mom!” And even though my wife and I have no sex anymore, in time we have become friends; and nobody want to hurt friends and lifetime companion’s feelings, right?
If I was younger, like in my twenties, and without yet forming a family, it might be different, but being 51 right now, it seems going all the way would create more problems than benefits, so I guess I will have to settle for a more basic solution, which not only will save me money and time, but will allow me to finish my life as a man, so not to hurt anybody, while still having a chance to enjoy for brief moments a sample of the kind of life I should had.
Anyway, nobody knows what the future hold for us, so all we can do is to keep going in the direction that feels right, and see what happens next in life.
You can’t deny life is such a ride!