In the previous post I mentioned that due to the physical problems experienced, I decided to start taking Testosterone pills on my own, without a doctor’s prescription and supervision (I was in my 40’s by then).
About two weeks in the “treatment” my cock started to work better, still didn’t have a lasting erection, but I could easily reach an orgasm; the sperm came out in bigger amounts and with a strong shooting, shaking all my body (what a pleasure to cum!). And the problem with short erection was solved with half a pill of Viagra half an hour before show time (LOL). But my parts still were very sensitive to pain when manipulated!
At that time already my wife and I didn’t have sex anymore (we haven’t had sex for the past twenty years!), so the results I obtained with the pills I tested them in the shower and in a couple of encounters with men. I tried to get back with Kendra but she didn’t want to be with me anymore, so that became past history (sigh!).
The thing is, my cock was working great again, I could have four to six hours strong erections and shoot like a champ (well, not that much, but good enough to make my sperm fly about three feet in the air in the shower! LOL) But the pain in my parts when touched remained, and my desires to be with a man and me being a woman kept growing, without changing back with the influence of Testosterone.
At the other hand, I started to develop “man boobs”, which were very unwelcome from my part since I still believed I was 80% man who wanted women, and just 20% woman who wanted men, while also started to gain weight completely out of control and reaching the point of becoming about 30 lbs above! Back to researching in the net I found that man boobs and weight gain can be side effects of taking Testosterone, so I just stopped taking it and waited to see what happened.
A couple of years later (when I was about 48) I realized my man boobs were still growing, while I already lost any gain in my cock performance, the pain remained (my cock even started to shrink!), and my female feelings and attraction to men kept growing more and more! That was the moment when I started to research “Transsexual” in the net as a possible answer.
In that research I discovered that a good percent of the population is born in a perfectly healthy body, but they have the feelings and thoughts of being of the opposite sex, leading them to a complicated time (to say the least) when growing up and later when living an adult life, due to the misunderstanding of “normal” people around.
So I realized I must be a Transsexual! My body was changing from male to female; my cock and testicles became useless, and my sexual desires have switched to feeling about 80% woman who wants men, and just about 20% man who wants women, but have no cock to “perform”.
My desires to be intimate with men had switches to the point of not just wanting and enjoying kisses in the mouth and sucking their cocks, but to start wanting to be penetrated in my ass! That desire became so intense, that I even bought dildos to try on my own, to see how it feels. That was the time I also started to feel the need to not just feel like a woman, but also look like one, so strongly considered the possibility to buy wigs, female clothes and make up.
Because of all these changes in my body and mind, and having accepted that I should be a Transsexual, a couple of years later, at the age of 50, I started to collect women stuff to dress up like one, at the same time of starting to shave my whole body, trying to resemble in the outside what I was feeling in the inside.
I also researched the internet, trying to find blogs of Transsexuals explaining their feelings, physical changes and experiences, to compare with mine, to sort of confirm my thoughts and what I was feeling, and also to find advice and suggestions on what should I do to look more like a woman and act like one.
Since all I found were a couple of inactive blogs of people who started but suddenly abandoned their blogs, I decided to start this one in March, 2013, so I could keep track of what was happening in my mind and body throughout time, at the same time to offer a reference for those like me, trying to find information from someone in the same situation, and more than just medical jargon in long articles with tons of references (which helps a lot, but is not definite).
Things have been great so far up to this point, but in the next post I’ll tell you about the sickness that attacked me in the past six months, and that has been making my whole body collapse, destroying not only my plans and projects, but also my capacity to work, and with it, destroying my income and freedom.