In the previous post I mentioned my cock is non-functional anymore, and my body is slowly but surely physically changing from male to female, so let me tell you the story in case someone reading this post is going through the same situation, and wants to know more of what’s happening to him (by comparison of course).
As a starting reference, I was born, grew up and lived my first 30 years feeling assured that I was a man. I got married and had a child, and spent a good deal of time looking around at women; desiring them, and day-dreaming of having hot sex with them…specially the gorgeous ones! LOL
Not only I didn’t have any physical feelings for men, but just the sole idea of becoming intimate with them; kissing them, even in the cheeks, was unthinkable to me; left alone the idea of sucking their cocks and being fucked by them, which was simply unacceptable!
Then, when I was about 31 years old, I had a fortuity encounter (My First Experience), which started a mind process of transformation in my concepts of what really is a man; a woman, and myself; and how we relate with each other in the societal and human planes; but I continued living as a straight man, and all the thoughts were more in the concept of “research” for personal knowledge.
About ten years later (when I was around 40 years old) my penis simply stop working and became (together with my testicles) very sensitive to the touch. If they were manipulated like someone playing with them sexually, they hurt just the same as if someone punches you in the nose! Ouch! (I mean, very Ouch!!).
It was very difficult to get an erection, and if I got it, it wouldn’t last more than three minutes. I also had great difficulty to reach an orgasm, and if so, the sperm came out very little and more like a drip, rather than a shot, and I had no feelings in my body when that happened.
Researching the net while asking doctors about the problem, and going through many blood tests that came negative, showing nothing was wrong with my body, I concluded that the problem has to be low Testosterone levels. It explained the physical problems; and since the Testosterone is the male hormone, it also explained why I started to develop the desire to be physically intimate with men (or so I thought).
Now, since I started to develop attraction for men, and trying to understand what was happening in my mind, I joined Outpersonals (the Gay dating site) to see if I could find the answers. And I had a couple of sexual encounters with other men from the site, in which there were kisses in the mouth and mutual cock sucking, but no penetration in the ass from anyone.
In those encounters I was dressing as a man since still I hadn’t developed feminine feelings (or so I thought), but when in bed with another man it just felt weird being two men sucking and kissing each other! In those encounters I discovered that I felt more as a woman with a man rather than a man with another man, and wanted to try being the woman (The Music Man). Unfortunately for me those men wanted cock rather than a “sissy”, so the encounters always went awry.
One of those encounters was with a guy who was totally bottom and acted as a woman, and a gorgeous one! (Kendra). It was amazing for me and I felt as a man with a woman once more, except that my cock hurt when touched and didn’t stand up to the task (LOL). So even though I wanted to have a relationship with Kendra, she dropped me for “useless” man!
Now, the Testosterone test indicated that it was a little low, but normal for someone my age (I was 42 by then), but for me it has to be low Testosterone! So without a doctor’s prescription I order pills on my own through the internet and started taking them, disregarding doctors advice and insistence that pills don’t work but only shots and patches under prescription and close doctor’s control.
Up to this point, from around 30 to 40 years old, the changes were mostly in my mind, and in the way of dropping my concepts of being a completely straight man who would never, ever, could become intimate with another man, to accepting the possibility of being in bed with them, and even enjoying sucking their cocks and kissing them, but not being penetrated.
So far in life I never had anything against Gay guys, but it just wasn’t my thing…I was a straight man! We could be friends, but never become intimate. To then change to question myself if I might be a Gay guy too.
Not only by then I accepted the possibility to be intimate with men, but I even enjoyed kissing them, sucking their cocks, and when at that, I felt more as a woman than a man, and even started to find men attractive and desirable!
In the next post I’ll tell you of the physical changes that started to happen in my body, and how it affected mi mind and concepts of who I really was.