This is post number 100! Unbelievable how time flies (nine months), and the same for fingers in a keyboard. And for that reason I thought it’ll be a good time to take a look at how changes have been going so far, mainly in the physical aspect.
What I wanted to do in this post is to sort of take a quick look at the physical differences between the moment before I started to feel as a woman, the changes I’ve done due to those growing feelings, and the results achieved throughout these nine months.
As you can see in the first double picture, that’s when I still haven’t started shaving my body, so you can see how hairy my body suppose to be (I always hated it!).
By that time I had the need for nudity already, although not in a sexual sense, but just as a feeling of freedom from society rules, which I never could understand and adapt to; so being nude in nature gave me the feeling of being outside of society and free to be a pure human being. My only problem was being so hairy, which I never liked it, and since I’ve experienced in the past being the target of all kind of jokes for so much body hair, it simply lead me to be afraid of being seen naked.
The picture above shows you how my body looks after being shaved (I love it!)
The reason to shave it wasn’t because of feeling as a woman, but rather the opposite. All that fur was always itching, especially in my back, so considering that I didn’t like it, one day I just shaved it to see how it’ll feel.
Not only it didn’t itch anymore, but I simply loved the new look of my naked body! I felt so “human”! But the strange thing is that when looking at my body naked in the mirror, and especially when running a hand in my skin, the smoothness made me feel more like a woman rather than a man, and the desire (that always existed) of feeling hands touching all my body started to grow up more and more in me.
By that time I had sexual encounters with a man, and when being with him I really started to feel as a woman. I simply loved when he took the time to massage my whole body while I was naked, laying face down in bed.
So I guess by shaving my body I accidentally discovered that I have a woman inside that wanted to come out to physical life.
In the picture above you can see me trying a wig and some basic make up as a first attempt to experience how it’ll feel to have the look of a woman (sort of), and how it’ll feel to be naked in the outdoors while not having body hair.
It simply felt great! But also I had the opportunity to analyze my gender feelings, and I discovered that as soon as I put on the wig, my manners and gestures changed sort of automatically into those of a woman, and curiously enough…it felt right!
This lead me to start analyzing my feelings, desires and ways so far in my life, to try and discover if I always had this female tendencies restrained by society, or if it was just a new thing that, by being entertaining, became the wrong thought that I had a woman inside.
My discoveries of how I’ve been in and out of the bedroom got me somehow shocked, but I’ll tell you more in detail in future posts.
Because of these results, I decided to add some clothes and try going to a public place to test again my feelings as a woman in society, but sort of in the outer rim of society at first due to not being confident with my female look
In this double picture I am at Chatfield Reservoir, in a parking lot that is used as a place to oversee the whole complex. Not many people go there, especially in that day because of cold weather and wind.
But it felt right again, which lead me to keep going in letting the woman inside come out to physical life.
In the picture above I’m trying more make up and some looks with different women’s clothes to see if I can really look “passable” and attractive enough as a woman.
As you can see, clearly I need to reduce the waist size! Then increasing the size of my hips and butt would complement fairly well the general look. It wouldn’t be the look of a gorgeous woman, but I believe it’ll be attractive enough to be of men’s taste and my own pride.
The face is another story!
Now, the whole body can be covered up with clothes, and the general shape achieved with pads in the right places, although I don’t like that since I want to be attractive even when naked, yet the biggest problems still seems to be the face, which can be sort of “transformed” with make up, but there is a limit to that, before it becomes a very creamy cake!
In the picture above you can see my first attempt with basic make up, and then with more of it. So far I’m still working on it so to achieve a decent result that can make me “passable” when walking a crowded street in daylight.
It is not only about how to get a perfect make up, but also how to get it simply and quickly enough, so to be able to switch from male to female in a matter of fifteen minutes with elements that could be carried in a hand held suitcase (I’m talking make up, wig and clothes), so to be able to take my car and small suitcase to a destination, leave as a man and arrive as a woman, and vice versa.
I must be a woman…I am so god damn complicated! LOL