Archive | November 2013

Crossdresser Site

098   2013-11-30    20   01 Psychology and Mind                 Crossdresser Site (1)

 

While having my profile in the crossdresser’s site I noticed that it seems most of the people there, those who present themselves as Man looking for Crossdresser, and those as Crossdresser looking for Crossdresser, seem to be looking for cock!

I know, is a sex site! But I thought that maybe there were some men who wanted a crossdresser as an alternative of a woman, and were willing to accept that that woman has male genitals in exchange of being with someone that tries harder to be feminine and that really wanted to please a man. Someone that, because of feeling and wanting to be a woman, and knowing that their genitals are of a man, would pay more attention to details and try harder to be like a sweet woman that wants to give him the feeling of being the most desirable man on Earth, independently of his look and financial situation.

 

098   2013-11-30    20   01 Psychology and Mind                 Crossdresser Site (2)

 

The reason I thought there might be some men out there who want women and are willing to go with a crossdresser is because when I was searching for a date as a man to be with a woman I came across “Kendra”.

At that time I still didn’t have the feelings of wanting to be a woman, so was a man who wanted a woman to make love with, and I wanted her to be sweet, caring and very sexual, and since no woman seemed to be like that (or maybe I wasn’t handsome, famous and/or rich enough!), I was willing to sort of give an opportunity to a crossdresser to be, feel and be treated as a woman in exchange of being sweet and sexual with me. Kendra was a real woman with male genitals, and I would have happily lived with her as a married couple of man and woman. As long as nobody else saw her genitals, nobody would have ever known she was really a woman with a male body.

 

098   2013-11-30    20   01 Psychology and Mind                 Crossdresser Site (3)

 

It didn’t work out because it seems I wasn’t man enough for her, and although I felt bad at that time, now I believe she detected me as someone who was more of a woman than a man, which I discovered later.

The thing is, if I was willing to be with her disregarding her type of genitals and seeing her as a woman because of her ways and feelings, why cannot be another man who feels the same way!

Yet everybody wants cock!

 

098   2013-11-30    20   01 Psychology and Mind                 Crossdresser Site (4)

 

So no matter how much I hide my cock in my pictures in the crossdressing site; and no matter how much I show my boobs and talk about my desires of being a woman for a man, they always end up saying that they want to suck my cock! So it seems sort of weird to me that a man presents himself as a man looking for a beautiful and sexy girl in a crossdresser, yet what he is really searching for is a cock to suck.

Unfortunately that site doesn’t have the feature of blog posting, so I cannot do anything to explain other than continually change my profile description.

I guess is about to keep searching and discarding, until I come across a man who doesn’t want to suck my cock, but rather penetrate me and let me suck his cock and be sweet and caring with him, so I have the opportunity to make him feel the most desirable man on Earth, independently of his look and financial situation.

Angel

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Different Looks

097   2013-11-28    12   03 Clothes and Accesories              Different Looks (1)

 

The other day, after a little excursion to Downtown Denver, when back to my place, I did a small video session to get some videos and pictures to post here, and also to get an idea of how the changes are going.

 

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I still don’t have many clothes, and they are basically the same style: Simple and street like. I’m not really into nylon and high heels and all the sophistication most crossdresser like to use; for me is more like being the simplest possible to look like any other woman walking down the street.

 

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Also, being winter time with temperatures around 45 degrees by day and about 25 degrees at night, it is sort of imperative to use warm clothes rather than sexy ones. Maybe under the jacket it could be some sexy dress to show off when the time comes to remove the heavy coat once inside a warm building (or restaurant!).

But anyway I tried some of the summer stuff I got to see how does it look, and what do I have to do to correct the actual results.

 

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As you can see, in some of the clothes I got a fairly decent look, while in others I definitely have to work on the body shape. But still I got an idea of how things are going, and expect to have more time by January to dedicate time to correct the mistakes.

 

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I did also get many videos and pictures in sexy and provocative poses, that I can use in the crossdresser’s site for “self promotion”; and also just because it makes me horny doing that! (I feel sexy!) LOL

In future posts I’ll show you some of those pictures where I’m basically offering my body for a man to play with it (I should be a prostitute!) LOL

Angel

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Downtown Trip

096   2013-11-26    20   04 Trips and Adventures                Downtown Trip (1)

 

Since I’m still not confident with my female look, I was really nervous when driving to downtown Denver the other day. Almost at every red light I took a second to verify the position of my wig, the beard coverage and the make up in general while looking at the sun cover mirror.

At one hand it gave me a relief that it was night and cold, so I shouldn’t be too notorious, and could use a big coat to cover up mostly the different size between my shoulders and my hips, which I believe is one of the first things that gives away my gender.

At the other hand, I still don’t own winter female clothes, which meant I had to use male clothes for the trip. Wearing regular jeans and a black coat, I added a pair of light brown boots and a cap to hold my wig from moving, which also helped to slightly cover the forehead, so to reduce the amount of face to be seen. So basically looking like a man with long hair I ventured through 16th Street, walking as much as possible as a woman and casually looking at something else when somebody looked at me; somehow waiting to hear the laughter of others while pointing their fingers!

 

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It went well and nobody paid any attention to me, which was such a relief! Also had the chance to look around and see the curvy young girls wearing tight clothes and even minis, challenging the 25 degrees Fahrenheit just to look sexy. I could feel envy of those female young bodies, but also agreed with their clothes since, if I was a beautiful woman like them, I know I would also wear very little clothes just to look sexy among the polar bears.

But the interesting parts from the psychological analysis throughout this process were that, at one hand I felt so obvious as a man in women clothes, even though nobody paid any attention to me, and the other was that I felt fear of being attacked! Let me explain.

Although inside I felt as a woman, I also felt that it was obvious I wasn’t; so it gave me the feeling of such a long road still to travel in order to really feel as a woman in the outside for others to recognize as such, and allow me to feel really free as a female among people.

 

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Yet, when walking alone the empty streets going back to my parked car outside the visited area, I felt so vulnerable to an attack from a man to a defenseless woman walking alone. I knew it was a stupid fear because, even though I felt as a woman, I’m still a man that can physically fight to protect himself from an attacker. Maybe I wouldn’t win the fight, but the attacker will remember the beating from my part for a long time (Since I have the body of a man, I know what parts in a man hurt the most when hit!).

So my intentions to get in between people to feel as a woman among them, and the plan to enter a store and later a bar to have a drink, quickly dissolved by the fears I just couldn’t shake off. So the walk back to my car was a little sad and frustrating by having accomplished almost nothing of what my original intentions were. And even the picture of me I took using the timer in the camera didn’t go well and only got a blurry image!

 

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But at the other hand it was satisfying to have my first outing as a woman, which calls for new attempts with its corresponding psychological observations in order to learn more about my hidden feelings, and the process of transformation from male to female.

Next post I’ll show you some pictures and tell you about what happened when back at my place to try a video session for material to post.

Angel

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Second Day Off

095   2013-11-23    19   04 Trips and Adventures                Another Day Off (1)

 

Yesterday I had the chance to take a day off from work and spend it alone, so to try again make up and some clothes I’ve been buying but not used yet. It was great! It gave me the chance to work a little more in my feminine moves and facial expressions, together with the chance to make a list of all the other things I need to change to improve my look.

As I’ve mentioned before, my goal is to be able to go out and leave no doubt that I’m a woman (and an attractive one) among the people around that might happen to be looking at me. Still there is a lot of work to be done, but I know I can get a decent result!

 

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The other thing is to be able to look like a woman even in men’s clothes and without make up, or at least very little make up; and the reasons for that are two: At one hand if I can make it happen without make up or very little, it’ll be a lot easier to switch to woman at any time; but also the other reason is that make up tend to disappear when it touches clothes or a man’s lips!

Also yesterday I went out to 16th Street at downtown Denver to have a walk as a woman among people. The goal was to see if they could notice the difference and see me as a woman or a man crossdressing.

 

095   2013-11-23    19   04 Trips and Adventures                Another Day Off (3)

 

16th Street, for those that are not familiar with Denver, is sort of the main street in downtown and the place where crossdressers, lesbians and gays walk freely without being bothered by people. You can see lots of strange things in that street! (Me being one of those yesterday!). In future posts I’ll tell you what happened, how I felt and what conclusions I extracted from the experience, for now I’ll just tell you it was scary!

With a whole day off to try the female part in me, I ended up with about 60 videos to process, from which I’ll be getting pictures and videos to post here. For now here you can see a few of them as a “preview”, but later in other posts I’ll tell you more in detail and show you more pictures of what I did, experienced and learned yesterday.

Angel

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Tennis Shoes

094   2013-11-21    19   02 Physical Changes                       Tennis Shoes (1)

 

I’m still very confused about what is what some people look for in a crossdresser. For what I’ve seen in the site I am (to search for sex with a man) it seems to me most men search for someone in high heels, sexy lingerie, nylon, etc, but mostly for a cock in panties! And that’s exactly what most crossdressers seem to like to wear and offer.

It is confusing for me since what I like to wear is very simple women clothes, like shorts, jeans, T shirts, tennis shoes, etc. to resemble more of a simple woman, that is still attractive enough to inspire the desire of sex in a man looking at her (me).

I do feel attracted to fancy clothes, but only as a part of a date like dining out in a fancy place, and with a man dressing very elegant (if the situation arises). But mostly I think of dates with a guy in T shirt and jeans, going for an ice cream in a fast food restaurant and talking and laughing; driving the countryside and enjoying the beauty of this planet while discovering new places together, where we can run naked under the sun and the breeze, to end up having sweet sex while listening to the birds and the wind. Think of a hippie girl from the seventies!

 

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When it comes to being sexy, my idea is of short (very short) jeans or a very short skirt that tends to lift with the breeze and allows men around to see my butt. Also the use of a shirt that is unbuttoned and just tied at the ends, allowing to see the center of the chest that has no bra, and gives the feeling to “viewers” that at any moment they will be able to see my breasts. LOL

Ok, I admit it; I have a strong tendency to be a slut! LOL

My point is: it seems to me I’m not the typical crossdresser but really a horny woman in search of a man (one) to be friends and to have sex together, and to have the chance to please him and make him happy giving him all the sex he might want, in exchange of receiving from him lots of sweetness and care (not money). I sooo much desire to be sweetly touched and kissed in all my body!

For that reason more and more I’ve been thinking of sex change, so to have a working pussy for him to take any time he wants it.

 

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What happens is that for many years I’ve lived as a straight man who liked women, so I believe I know what a man wants, and now that slowly but surely (well, not so slowly) I’m becoming a straight woman in my mind, I think I know what I should do to make a man happy.

I’m still in the half way process where I’m not so sure that I’d like to live with a man, but rather live alone, but have a boyfriend to visit and have sweet and tender moments with him, with hot and sweating sex too!

So far I’ve been looking at the possibility of hormones and all that stuff to change a man’s body more into a woman’s body, and I’m sure there should be a more affordable alternative in another country for a sex change surgery. Maybe I still would live as a man (because of all the legal fuss to switch identity), but under my clothes there would be a pussy instead of a cock.

I have to keep thinking about it before I make a big decision.

Angel

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