I don’t have the freedom to anytime do the things I need to do to create the body for the woman inside me. The reasons are that I’m married and she doesn’t know (I think she would die of a heart attack if she learns that I have a woman inside and I’m bringing that woman out to physical life!) so I have to be very careful,
As a man I’m married and I want to keep my marriage. Although there are problems between us that have been dragging for a couple of decades, at this point we are like very good roommates that share in harmony the responsibilities and benefits of living in the same house. There is no real friendship to count on when tough moments arise, so to have support and encouragement when I’m down, and also there is no physical contact of the sexual and lover’s kind between us for many years now. But quite frankly (although I’ve thought about that many times in the past) I’m not in the plan of finding a female lover to compensate from outside what’s missing inside the marriage.
The reason is that at this point in life I simply don’t trust that a relationship like that could be achieved. There are many marriages that last like forever, but I’m still to find one where they are really all that is dreamed of a relationship. In other words, maybe I could find a lover to have occasional sex but there will be no real friendship and love. Maybe I’m too frustrated with my marriage or being too negative, but I simply (being 51 years old) don’t have the years ahead to try several times until the right woman is found.
I must admit that there is a woman in sight though. We meet like every other week at the park and talk. She has manners that makes her the sweetest girl I have ever met (she is ten years younger than me), and although there seems to be not much possibilities of turning the friendship into a more physical relationship, I do enjoy her company while dreaming of maybe some day becoming lovers. She feeds the straight man I am.
At the other hand, while letting the woman inside come to physical life, I found a man who could have become the male lover for Angel (the woman inside). He was seventeen years older than me; had a big and beautiful cock and lots of energy to use it! He fed the woman inside me. Unfortunately he dumped me like a week ago! I guess he didn’t like the idea that I wanted to be a woman for him, and he preferred for me to be a man dressing as a woman, so to bring him the surprise under the skirt of a cock for him to play with. Oh well!
So maybe in the future I’ll be a married man who has a female lover on the side, and also will live part time as a woman who has a male lover to play with. Or maybe everything would collapse in a noisy way and I’ll be divorced; who knows. The thing is that for now I just keep pushing in the direction I want to go, while being very careful and trying to anticipate possibilities before they occur, and hope for the best in the future. What else can we all do?