If I’m in my male side then I wear men’s clothing; act and behave like a man and I’m attracted to women. If I’m in my female side then I want to wear simple, everyday women clothing; act as a normal woman and be sexy for a man to be his dream girl.
I am not trying to live an erotic fantasy but rather have the possibility of using my body as a man most of the time to be who I am (a man 80 percent of the time), and also use my body as a woman some of the time to be the woman I have inside (a woman 20 percent of the time). As I mentioned in a previous post, it is more like two specific and defined persons in one body, so maybe it could be classified as having double personality.
So when being a woman, I want to be able to find a male lover to be a woman for him. Have the opportunity to be a woman not only by looking like one, but also by having the chance to have even a sexual life as a woman, with a man that would see me as a woman and not as a man that does crossdressing.
All this means that, by switching from male to female and back I become a “Transgender” rather than a “Crossdresser”, and that’s why I say there are two persons (a man and a woman) inside one physical body. It is not a man having fun dressing as a girl for a night out, but a real, simple woman that wants to experience physical life.
Obviously, by living as a man all my life (so far 51 years) I don’t know how a woman walks, gesticulates, talks, etc. and those are the things I need to learn (or train my body for) to let the woman inside come to physical life; together with the physical changes to “equalize” the body so it can be used for a man to be a man, and for a woman to be a woman.
So as you can see, I’m not gay (which in my personal opinion means a man who like men), but rather a male body that has a brain with two entities. One is the male entity that owns the male body, and the other is an entity that little by little, throughout the years, has been pushing to get to the surface and have a chance to experience physical life.
Crazy, isn’t it?