I did want it. I went there with the intention of having sex together. I knew he wanted me and was hoping it’ll be more than just talking, although he said he would enjoy a friendly chat. But I was so nervous, so complicated. My head was heavy with all the problems, and running at a thousand miles per hour 24/7 trying to find a solution, so the body wasn’t responding to the desires the mind had; that were hidden now behind the other problems.
We talked, while enjoying the light jazz music involving us like a warm cover, and the cup of coffee that gave us warmth inside. We talked while, I guess, we both were thinking of giving a first step towards physical contact, yet restrained ourselves to prevent making the wrong move that could lead to a misunderstanding.
Although the desire was there, still the pleasure of a nice, friendly conversation became the center of the meeting. Only at the moment of leaving, right before saying goodbye, our hands found the courage to move ahead and touch the other’s body. A kiss! Feeling his lips and the closeness; feeling his breathing that little by little became stronger with desire; feeling the strength of his arms that hugged me with passion, not allowing me to leave. But I didn’t want to…I was happy!
Then he suddenly looked into my eyes and told me: “You are in pain”. I couldn’t hide it; I couldn’t stop it…it has been so long since someone showed care for my feelings; so long since someone made me feel my body was desirable. I couldn’t contain some tears running out of my eyes. I wanted to cry like a baby. He kissed me, and I returned the kisses with all my heart.
How did he know? I can spend the whole day crying inside my mind and nobody will notice…she never notice! It’s been so many years of solitude; so many years of living inside myself; hiding my thoughts and feelings from the people around that simply never cared. After so many years married she doesn’t know me; maybe she doesn’t care, or simply she doesn’t want to get involved in the painful process of helping someone to get up back on his feet again. But somehow he knew; somehow he felt it through my body, my eyes and my voice…maybe my words. It was surprising; it was uplifting, and it was scary!
I’ve spent so many years hiding my feelings behind a mind wall that, together with protecting my personal world, had helped create an outside look of a robot. My face doesn’t show feelings; my voice is flat, lifeless. The protection of being boring, to the point of people not bothering with further questioning. Safe inside my own world that keeps growing year after year; becoming a parallel universe to the one the others live in.
Yet he knew! How? Is it that the way it works when someone cares? How do I know!
We kissed with passion and desire. He took my hand and led it to his cock, saving me the trouble of finding a way to touch him. It felt hard; it felt big; it felt so tempting! He then went through the back of my pants and grabbed my butt, touching skin with his fingers; I loved it! I wanted more.
After a moment he took me by the hand and led me to the bedroom. I was tempted to quickly get completely naked for him. Jump over his body and start kissing everything everywhere, but decided to let him lead and avoid making a mistake that might upset him. It was our first physical encounter and I guess neither of us knew what the other really wanted, what the other was looking for, so small steps of exploration seemed the right way to follow.
We found each other with our pants down, touching and kissing with passion; feeling the other’s body and skin…wanting more. At some point he turned me around and tried his cock in my butt. It was so pleasant for me feeling his big cock playing there while he held me with strong arms. I closed my eyes and let the feelings fly throughout my body. My feminine side was receiving what it wanted for so long to experience! I wanted more, but didn’t want to push over the limits and make some stupid mistake, so I let him make the decisions and I just complied.
After a while we were facing each other again and kissing and running our hands over each other’s bodies. I could see glimpses of his cock and wanted to taste it, so after gathering some courage, went down to kiss it for a moment. It was big; it was beautiful; it was calling for kisses and to play with it. I took it with my hand and run my tongue all over, to then try it in my mouth, and then slide it over my face. A moment of pleasure that reminded me of giving up myself to my lover, to his enjoyment, that was also my joy. He was a man for me, and I felt as a woman for him.
Several minutes went by, flying around without touching us, so we wouldn’t realize the pass of time. But I had to go, so we fixed our clothing and walked out of the bedroom and back to the front door. We kissed again; we hugged one more time; we promised each other to meet soon…then I left.
I was dizzy, driving in the direction I supposed to go. I got lost, I didn’t know what turn or what street I should follow to go back to my place, but I didn’t care. I had his smell in my nose and his taste in my mouth. I had his kisses, his hugs and his sweet words. I had the feeling of his cock in my butt. I drove by the busy city streets like in a trance, enjoying the memories of the encounter, and day-dreaming about the next one.
We had a couple more encounters after that, but my lack of free time and some of his ways turned our relation awry, so we ended up in separate ways. And although I wouldn’t go back and try again, it was a wonderful experience from which I keep beautiful memories. I guess, little by little, by crash and burn procedures, we learn more about ourselves and others, and how to find connection, friendship and love. I hope he found what he was looking for and is now enjoying himself and another man.